By Graham, North West UK
. Delivery at 39 weeks + 4 days.
Story added: 2006-09-01

I am writing this in the hope that it can provide just a little support and encouragment to somebody.

My wife and I married in May 04, and just a couple of months later we discovered that she was pregnant. We were both overjoyed and did everything right - no smoking, no alcohol, plenty of rest etc. My wife had a little spotting at about 4 weeks which was checked and ensured that everything was fine. The first scan at approx week 11 also confirmed things were ok. We happily passed the week 12 stage and breathed a sigh of relief. At week 19 we went for the 'routine' second scan and it was at this point that our lives fell apart. There was no water around our baby at all and we were subsequently devasted to be told that the prognosis was very poor. In hindsight my wife remembered thinking that he waters had broken when getting out of the bath a few weeks previous but being our first pregnancy, dismissed it as being possible.

We just couldnt give up on our dream however and decided that we must give our loved one every chance (they were unable to tell us the sex of the baby due to the lack of water). My wife took on total bedrest for the next 7 weeks (the last 3 being in hospital). During the majority of this time she continued to leak fluid. Finally, on 20th Jan 05 my wife went into labour and within an hour or two our gorgeous baby girl Amy was born (at 26 weeks gestation). Our hearts broke as the doctors worked on her for over an hour, however she never moved or showed any signs of being able to breath. The doctors gave us Amy in our arms and left us alone to say 'our goodbyes'. Unless anybody has been through something like this, they cannot understand how painful it can be. The pain and anger will never leave us.

We now got to see the head consultant (a most genuine and honest man) - although I recognise that it is a matter of resources, I still ask myself why it takes such a tragedy to get the care a pregnancy deserves. The hospital also have a 'breavement counsellor' who is a trained midwife - however sceptical I was, I realised that we needed all the help that we could get. Her help proved invaluable.

The pain was unbearable and every day was a struggle to survive - the anger at well minded people who told me that miscarriages are common - this was not a miscarriage, instead our lovely girl Amy had died.

The urge to try again was intense, almost illogical. We forced ourselves to wait six months, quite aware that our desire was almost 'unhealthy'. In July my wife became pregnant again. At 7 weeks however she started bleeding and miscarried. Devestating, and no disrepect, but nothing like losing our Amy.

Again, despite telling ourselves not to put ourselves through more agony, we tried again. On Christmas eve 05, just as we were dreading spending Christmas without Amy, my wife discovered that she was pregnant. Fear outweighed joy in abundance. The next nine months were utter stress, words cannot due it justice. My wife bled at nine weeks, and fearing the worst, despite the advice of our consultant, she took to strict bedrest (its easy to say that I know it was difficult, but I will be forever grateful for what she did). I lost count at the number of times that we thought her water had broken, we lived our lives on a knife-edge. The consultant checked her cervix at 14 weeks and decided against a stich. They also took 4 weekly swabs from week 14 - 32, testing positive for BV just once.
Somehow we made 24 weeks, then 28 and then 32.

Alot of medical people will tell you 'whatever will be will be'. Maybe, but its an attitude that infuriates me. Whether it made any difference, I suppose we will never know, but we total abstained from sex, took on total bedrest and she never had a bath (just the minimal number of showers for hygience purposes).

On 27th August this year, at 39 weeks and 4 days my wifes water broke. The day later she went into labour and Amy's sister, Sophie was born, weighing 6lb, 10oz. She was delivered crying which was the most beautiful sound I think I will ever hear. People told us that it signified the 'end' of 18 months of hell - I know what they mean but nothing will ever truely replace the loss of Amy. Saying that, my girl Sophie has made life worth living, much more than that infact. Despite being born healthy, we are terrified of losing her. I have read this website for the last 18 months, dreaming of being able to write this successful outcome. I never really beleived it would be possible.

I wish everybody going through PROM or PAP the best luck in the world. Its now easy for me to say, but there can be joy at the end of the pain.