By Carmell, Derbyshire England
PROM at 16 weeks + 5 days. Delivery at 26 weeks + 5 days.
Story added: 2009-10-11

I came on this website when i pprom'd, i was realy hoping my story would be marked in green and even with the odds against it, i realy thought that everything would be ok. i was carrying twins and was the happiest ive ever been. we was finally doing well financially, we had a gorgeous boy who was nearly 3, everything was perfect. then in 1 night my life changed n turned into a nightmare!! i woke up with the feeling of something leaking from me. i went to the toilet and my pajama bottoms were soaked, i shouted my partner and he said 'dont be silly it cant be your waters' i went hosp n they did an internal n said it didnt look like my waters had gone n let me go home the next morning. that night it happened again! i went bk 2 hosp n they kept me in n gave me a scan the following day. it showed that twin A had lost quite alot of fluid. twin B was fine as they shared different sacks. twin B was a boy n they said that they wernt sure but thought twin A was also a boy. then i was told by a dr that there was absolutley no chance that twin A would survive n that by time i go for my 20week scan he'd have died n that it would shrivell up inside me n should stay there until i delivered my other baby. that is not something u want to hear happen to your baby. the next few weeks were dreadfull, just waiting for my scan. i continued leaking everynight. on the day of my scan i was sick n said goodbye to my baby, knowing that by the end of the day id only have 1 baby living inside me. when i got on the bed the sonographer was doing my scan as me n my partner held hands with tears in our eyes, then she said 'theres 2 lovely heartbeats' i cried because i was so happy. the fluid levels were still realy low but he was growing well. after that i was constantly in and out of hosp for scans and blood tests and false alarms. every scan was nerve wrecking thinking will my baby still be alive. i was told he only had 5% chance of surviing, even if he was born at 34wks. i never gave up hope tho, he beat the odds to get as far as he did. my last scan i had was great. both babies were growing bigger than average twins, his fluid levels had risen and wernt much lower than they should be, i saw my consultant a few days later n she even agreed that everything was going brilliant n that he could be a miracle. as i was leaving the hosp i got my 1st contraction (although i didnt know it was 1) later that afternoon i went back into hosp were i was told i was in labour and i was transferred to a bigger hosp 94miles away. Early hours the following morning, 16th June 09, Twin A, Jayden was born weighing 1lb 15oz. Twin B, Alfie followed 10 mmins later weighing 2lb 5oz. We knew as soon as he was born that it wasnt going to be good! When Jayden was 3hrs old we let them take his vent out and he passed away in my arms. The machines was not helping him and he was getting worse. it was the hardest thing i have had to do in my life. He was PERFECT other than his lungs would not open. the next few days were a total blur. the only thing getting me through it was my precious little boy Alfie and my other boy Arley. i am glad that i never gave up hope on Jayden cuz even though he didnt make it, he never gave up. he carried on so he could meet his mummy n daddy and also to give his twin brother a good chance. even though this has been the hardest thing i have been through and my heart is broken, im glad i got 2 meet him, name him, have photos and a memory box. if he had of passed away b4 20wks we would never have seen him or named im. we wouldnt of even been sure what sex he was. this way he got a funeral and a memorial and ppl will remember him. Alfies middle name is Jayden, after his strong, brave brother. Alfie is now home after spending 16 weeks in hosp. he looks so much like Jayden n everytime i look at him i think of his brother and i know it sounds silly but i know he is in heaven and looking down at us n thinking of us. If u reading this and r preg and prom'd, i am sorry that u r going thru this and reading this is going to worry u. pls do not give up hope on your baby!! every case is different, i went through this journey talking to 3 other mum 2 b's.... all their babies survived!! if the drs try to encourage u to terminate, pls dont. they do not know for sure what willhappen to your baby. they constantly tried to get me to give up on Jayden, even in labour they said if his heart beat drops its best to carry on n he willprob die b4 being born rather than have a c-section n save him cuz he prob wont make it anyway n then u will be left with a scar!!! take on board what they r saying but remember that they do not know what the outcome will be. i realy hope that whoever reads this will be having there story marked in green! this week is Baby Loss Awareness Week, i remember my little angel every single day http://jayden- swift.gonetoosoon.org/