By Kirsten, London UK
PROM at 18 weeks + 1 days. Delivery at 21 weeks.
Story added: 2009-07-04

I concieved my fraternal twin boys last June (2008) using IVF/ICSI, it was our third attempt. I knew I had twins long before the scan, I felt them both implant and I just knew so I wasn't at all suprised when there were two strong heartbeats in the 6 week scan. I was overjoyed, I have no other children and I was an only child so I was so pleased that my children would have each other throughout their whole lives. Everything was going well, they passed their nuchal scans and I felt them move around at 16 weeks. The most amazing feeling, not at all like the 'butterflies' mentioned in the pregnancy books, it was more like eels!
Then at 18+1 I was sitting watching TV and my waters broke. I didn't know that could happen that early, and I thought it was all over. We rushed to the hospital, I felt like I was holding my breath the whole time. Lots of doctors telling me different things but I was kept in and didn't go into labour, I tested negative for infections. I stayed in for 9 days and then I went home on bedrest. During that time we had several scans and Baby Top had his sac intact while Baby Bottom had very little fluid. I felt like we were all doing well, they continued wriggling around. I think it must have been pretty tight in there, when Baby Top moved my tummy would protrude and then subside when he moved back.
At 21 weeks Baby Bottom's cord prolapsed and I went back to hospital. He still had a strong heartbeat and I was put on bedrest with my feet above my head until my consultant saw me and said I should deliver. So I got up knowing that when the cord fell out it would spasm and Baby Bottom would die. It was horrible but I was under the impression from the doctors that it would give Baby Top a better chance. Several hours later I found a little foot when I went to the toilet. I was so shocked, now I wished I had held it but at the time I was just so shocked. Several hours later the other foot dropped on another toilet visit and the midwife came in and helped me give birth to my son, his placenta remained with the cord clamped high. He was so beautiful and I was so suprised to see how much he looked like my husband. His poor little feet and legs were swollen with blood because they had been hanging out, but he was so perfect. I held him for hours and we spent the night with him. When they took him the mortuary the next morning the cry that came from me was like that of an animal.
I knew that I had to stay strong for Baby Top, and so I tried hard not to think about Baby Bottom, to be positive and happy about Baby Top. The week that followed is such a blurr, lots of discharge that made me anxious and that no-one had prepared me for, several speculums because I was feeling weird down there. But now there was space in there Baby Top's kicks felt just like butterflies.
At 22+1 I started getting contractions and then started bleeding so was transferred to tha labour ward. I was not ready to lose another baby and both myself and my husband were convinced it was Baby Bottom's placenta coming away. I lay down the whole time holding Baby Top up to me keeping him away from all the action down there and I even passed some placenta, but after 17 hours where the last 2 hours had been contractions a minute apart I started to get a little hysterical. The midwife offered me morphine and my husband wanted to know if it would affect the baby. It was then I knew that It didn't matter, the baby was coming whether I liked it or not. So I sat up and he was born half an hour later. I found out later that I had chorioamnioitis on both placentas. I saw him between my legs moving and I just couldn't watch my baby die. My husband held him for the first hour or so and I finally felt like I could hold him. I so wish I had held him straight from when he was born but at the time I just couldn't. I guess I was just protecting myself. He was so beautiful, bigger that Baby Bottom and had such a large ribcage, little drops of water kept falling from his nose and made him look like he was crying. He had a Mona Lisa expression, sometimes he looked so happy and then he looked so sad.
We buried them in a natural burial ground and planted a wild cherry tree over their grave. The only time I saw them together was when we picked them up from the mortuary but their poor little bodies had started to decompose. Baby Bottom was the big brother but he was so much smaller than Baby Top.
Thankyou for listening, this was very hard to write.