By Kathy, Uk England
PROM at 15 weeks + 6 days. Delivery at 17 weeks + 3 days.
Story added: 2007-04-15

Hi, I just felt that I needed to share this experience with others that have shared these desperate feelings.
This was a very much wanted pregnancy after 10 attempts at IVF and after having 3 bio-chemical pregnancies we were so excited to see our first little heartbeat. My pregnancy had been very stressful from the beginning as I began to bleed at just over 4 weeks. I rested as much as I possibly could and the bleeding did sometimes stop for a couple of days. It was sometimes just spotting red for days and then I had a few days of heavier with clots. Everytime I would go to the hospital if it got heavier they would scan me and say the baby was coming on really well and we just dont know where its coming from. In the end I was beginning to think I was bothering everyone even my husband was saying to me to just stop being so worried. I also had inbetween a water infection and been on strong anti- biotics which I had had no symptoms. Something else which will always bother me is that for the last 3 years I had taken Vitamin C at 1000mg and had done so up until just over 13 weeks of pregnancy and suddenly stopped after reading on the internet that it may not be good for the baby.
It was after the 14 week scan that I began to feel really quite confident that I was going to keep hold of this precious baby as evrything was perfectly normal and they had even brought my dates forward.
I couldn't say that I ever felt a gush of water it was more like small amounts of discharge over a couple of days every now and again and I was so happy to not see blood as I didn't even worry that much. It was when I mentioned it to my sister that she said had I mentioned it to the hospital. I rang them that afternoon and they told me to come in and they would scan me. It was then we found out that my waters had broken and there wasn't nearly enough as there should have been. She asked me to stay in over the weekend and they would scan me on the Monday. I did not realise at this point that they were just expecting me to miscarry. On the Monday there was some water but not enough to even measure a pocket but even then the scan lady said the baby was still growing as it should be. I couldn't bear to look at our precious baby that had not two weeks before been happily moving around and kicking its tiny arms and legs around to be shrink wrapped and not to be able to move. After that the doctor came in and said there was no hope for our baby and told us all the frightening things that could happen. We could either sit it out and miscarry or I could get a fatel infection or we could have a baby that would have a 1% chance of survival. We thought that if our baby was still growing and its heart still beating we had to give it its best possible chance. At the same hospital we saw another consultant who told us the exact same things but we still had to try and find somebody else that may be able to help us. We had 2 weeks of scans seeing fetal medicine specialists and at no time did I ever have any water to measure. Mine was a total rupture and there was no chance of a reseal. I prayed so hard and so did everyone else for us to just get even 1cm of water but it was just not going to happen. The final visit to the specialist was one that he just shook his head and told us that our baby only had a 1 in 200 chance of survival. After not beeing able to eat or sleep for almost 2 weeks and the tears that I had cried I knew I couldn't carry on, my brain just could not cope. We took the decision to have the baby induced. We went in on the Thursday morning and my baby boy who we called Joseph was born at around half past 7. I was so traumatised that I couldn't even look at him. It is probably a decision that I will regret always. It was the worst day of my life as I will never know if I made the right decision and was I just too weak to not have stuck it out.It was the first time that we had been to an labour ward and had to walk out with nothing in my arms. I will never get over this and feel so raw and bitter that this has happened to us. Jospeh is being burried in my fathers grave this week.