By Nicole Hine-Cappa, Augusta, GA USAI wondered for 8.5 weeks about how my story would appear here. Would I be one of the miracle lucky ones or would I join the ranks of all the mamas who lost their angels? I prayed that I would be one of the lucky ones, but prepared myself for a loss. I never really believed that my baby would loose the battle. I was determined to make it, and I did, to viability.
PROM at 16 weeks + 3 days. Delivery at 24 weeks + 6 days.
Story added: 2006-06-20
I had hope. I thought that I would not be much of a mother without it. I will never regret my 8.5 weeks on bedrest, giving my son a chance at life. But in the end, he was called home to heaven.
My grief is overwhelming and I feel like I have to share this story with as many people as possible. We tried for 20 cycles, 16 months to get pregnant with our second child. I was on my 6th cycle of clomid and actually had an IUI scheduled when I found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited when we discovered we were pregnant shortly after the new year.
I was having a normal healthy pregnancy, eating well, exercising, normal horrible morning sickness. I took my folic acid, had been for almost a year before, my prenatals, b6. I was doing everything right.
I was 16w3d. On Tuesday evening 11 April, 2006, I went to be a little early as I had not been feeling well. I had felt fluish the day before. At 7pm, I felt a little trickle and wetness in my pants. I was filled with dread. I thought maybe I was bleeding. I went to the bathroom and found it was just wet. I was praying that I had just urinated, and emptied my bladder again. I had just emptied it before I went to bed. I knew in my heart what it was.
I continued to leak all night on and off. I went to the dr frist thing the next morning. I was sent to L&D. It was confirmed that my water did in fact break.
All the doctors urged me to terminate. I absolutely refused. My baby had a good strong heartbeat and I was not going to give up on him. I decided that if it was God's will, I would go into labor too early. Otherwise, I would try to get to viability and give this child a chance at life. I was sent home on strict bedrest, waiting to see if I would go into labor. I had weekly u/s, CBC draws and vitals to make sure I did not develop an infection. The plan was to see if I could make it to 24 weeks, viability, and be admitted to the hospital until my baby was born.
To all their disbelief, I did make it back to the hospital. My baby was strong and growing well. I received my steroid shots at 24 weeks and put on antibiotics. The plan was to wait until I got to 32 weeks, developed an infection or started bleeding heavily.
I was doing well until Friday morning 9 June, 2006. I had my vitals at midnight, like normal but I felt a little strange. I was sweating all over, however I was tired and thought I was just a little warm. My heart had been beating hard all day, not racing, but just hard. At 2am, I felt like I was leaking more, but it felt different. I turned on a light to use my bed pan and discovered I was bleeding. My bed, my pad, my clothes were all covered in blood. I went to the bathroom in my bedpan and it was filled with blood. I called the nurses to come help.
I was transfered immediately to L&D. They asked if I felt contractions and I said no. They hooked me up to the machine. I was horrified when I felt another gush of blood, and I told my nurse. She said that I had a contraction. They were coming about every 3-5 min and I was bleeding with each. My plecenta was detaching. They prepared me for an emergency c- section.
I was frightened, terrified, because I knew that my baby would not make it. He had a 50/50 chance, that is what all the doctors had told me. In my heart, I knew that my fluid levels were too low for him to have developed his lungs at that age. I just felt dread.
My husband was called and told he would never make it to the hospital in time and not to rush. I was in shock and even more terrified that I had to go through this alone. The doctors were so kind and caring; they were so gentle with me through the whole procedure. I had to have a classical c- section as my uterus was too small gestationally.
Peter Anthony was born at 4.13 am and the doctor said, it's a boy and he is moving. This was the first time I heard I had a son. My fluid levels had been too low during all of my ultrasounds to indicate the sex. I felt a little hope that he was moving, but he never cried.
There were so many doctors and nurses around my baby boy. I got a brief glimps of him as they moved him from the room. I saw his eyes looking at me. An image that will never leave me. It was like he was confused as to why he couldn't breath. While he was inside me, he was healthy and growing and moving. Now he was in a fight for his life.
His doctor came to see me immediately in recovery. He told us that they gave him shots to help him breath, but he just didn't have the lungs to sustain life. My doctor ordered a wheel chair and they lifted me into the chair and took me and my husband to our son. I was able to caress his tiny foot as they were trying to get oxygen into his lungs. His doctor then took us to a room where he informed us they gave him a second shot and after 1.5 hours, there was nothing more they could do for him. I could not bare for him to suffer anymore. They stopped all efforts to save him.
I was taken back to recovery and they brought my perfect little boy to me. His heart was still beating, but he was not breathing. I held him in my arms until he died. I got to hold him and touch his little hands and feet. His tiny legs and arms. I was able to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him.
He was 1 lb 7 oz (725 grams) and 11.25 inches long. He was my beautiful baby boy; he looked like his sister.
I have to remind myself everyday that I gave him a chance at life even though I knew that the odds were against us. I fought hard for Peter, and he too fought for his life. In the end, the Lord called him home and he found his wings.