By Jennifer Miller, Aberdeen, NJ USAIt was a beautiful day (May 16, 1999) the day my membranes ruptured. I was just over 22 weeks and my husband, my 3 year old son and I were spending the day working and gardening outside. I remember feeling very wet to the point of having to change my underwear. I sat down on the patio and started crying because it seemed like something was wrong but I didn't know what. I didn't leak any more that day so I then just thought that maybe it was urine.
PROM at 22 weeksDelivery at 24 weeks.
Story added: 2000-04-22
The next day I felt ok and everything seemed pretty normal until the evening. I started feeling a little crampy but I still waited till the next morning to call the dr. They had me come in immediately. The first thing she did was a sonogram. She told me that the baby's heart looked fine but she didn't see very much fluid. At this time, I had no idea that something like this could even happen. With my first pregnancy, my water broke when I was full term and it was very obvious! Well she confirmed that my membranes ruptured and sent me immediately to the hospital. To this day I can't believe that they sent me there all on my own. I was hysterical crying the whole time and don't even know how I made it. They checked me in right away.
My husband had to come from work 2 hours away so I was all alone for a while and terrified! The peri affiliated with the hospital came to see me and explained what my "options" were. Although they never came out and said it, I got the impression that they thought it would be best if I terminated the pregnancy. We let them know that this wasn't an option right away! Then they started me on antibiotics and talked to me about what to expect if we were going to go on with the pregnancy.
I spent the next 8 days there on strict bedrest. My baby went on the fetal monitor about every 4 hours and they also monitored me for contractions then as well. I got two steroid shots to help her lungs develop. They took blood every morning to check for infection. I basically had every expectation of spending the entire summer in the hospital. We were very worried about how my son would handle it. I thought the outcome would have been totally worth it though.
Unfortunately my story doesn't have a happy ending. I had an ultrasound scheduled for the 26th. As soon as I woke up in the morning, they took me down right away. I was so excited! I couldn't wait to see the baby. I was also just so excited to be out of the room for a little while. Well right away the technician asked me if I felt the baby move a lot. I told her sometimes so much that it actually hurts! After just a couple of minutes she stopped and went to a phone. She then told me the dr. would be in in a moment. I asked her what was wrong but she just responded by saying the dr. would be right there. I still hadn't realized that the baby wasn't moving. I realized that something was wrong but I didn't expect what the dr. then told me. He looked at the screen for a couple of minutes and then said he was very sorry but her heart had stopped beating. She compressed her cord.
Needless to say, the next 24 hours were pure agony. I had to deliver her and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Giving birth is supposed to be joyous and this was hell! Women can endure the pain of childbirth knowing what the outcome is going to be. How do you endure it when your child is dead? I remember the dr. basically yelling at me to stop crying if I wanted to be able to do this. The first 15 minutes or so I was just completely hysterical. Then, somehow, I managed to calm down and push her out.
She weighed 1.57 lbs. and was 12 inches and we named her Hope Ann. The nurse took her foot prints and my husband asked if she could also take her hand prints. At first I was afraid to even look at her. She was in the breech position and the nurse said her face got a little damaged going through the birth canal. My husband convinced me to see her and I thank God that he had the sense to do so! Now I just wish that I would have held her longer and spent time alone with her. I only held her for a few minutes that day and then a little while more the next day when the pastor of the hospital came to bless her. It's been a very hard year for us and we're just now starting to think about having another baby. Part of me still hates just how unfair it is. I shouldn't have to get pregnant again. I should have my Hope with me! I miss her everyday and love her so much.