By Joy J-Walsh, Hiroshima Japan
PROM at 19 weeksDelivery at 21 weeks + 3 days.
Story added: 2005-05-23

I had a completely uncomplicated first pregnancy and even this pregnancy was going great despite getting really big fast, we were excited about having ID twin boys. It was a holiday here, so we spent a couple of days at the beach and I swam in two different oceans, but couldn't find a shower the second day and felt rather dirty until we got home late that night, my water broke the next day while sitting around at a friends house- I called my doctor who said to come in asap, she did a swab and it looked like amniotic fluid, so I was transferred by ambulance to a big hospital with specialists nearby. I thought something was strange because when she did a quick disinfecting of my vagina it stung like hell- it never did before. When we got to the hospital, I gushed out fluid when I got in the examining chair and I saw the nurses faces drop so I knew it was pretty bad. The expected me to go into active labor soon and suggested I terminate.

My husband hadn't gotten there yet, so this was horrible news to deal with by myself and so suddenly- it was lucky in a way that I had already had a c- section because it made them think it unsafe to give me anything to speed delivery because of the scar tissue which bought me a little time. When my husband came, we went over it all, but it was totally unbelievable that we were given a blessing of twin boys by chance and now we were going to lose them. I didn't bleed or go into contractions and they gave me antibiotics because it looked like I had an infection. Although they couldn't tell anything from the culture they took (flushed by amniotic fluid) they were pretty sure I had picked up an infection through the vagina from somewhere because of my irritation and high white blood cell and blood protein count. Over the next few days, my infection seemed under control and the boys seemed so healthy and fine in the ultrascans and doppler checks everyday, after two weeks I thought I had jumped a big hurdle as we were getting closer to viability for the babies (considered 22 weeks here) but then a week after stopping antibiotics I had been fighting a yeast infection all week due to the antibiotics and being wet all the time, and the infection came back with a vengeance.

(21 weeks, 3 days) It was probably one of the saddest days of my life, saying goodbye to Haylen and Connor- 2 beautiful innocent boys who just couldn't survive a horrible infection that when it came back a second time on Saturday spiking my white blood cell count and protein blood count brought on a high fever and pain followed by a horrible night and cramps to contractions in the morning. There was no choice but to go ahead with the delivery that started naturally at 21 weeks 3 days, because my placenta was infected and there was a good chance that any delay would be a total hysterectomy as well as other complications for me and it is just too early to consider trying to save the boys by waiting a few days (they needed at least a month longer to survive).

Labor was fast and furious and they wanted to give me a c-section to reduce the chance of complications but they were fighting against the speed of a natural delivery. I insisted on a local (spinal tap) as opposed to general anesthethia because i wanted to be with it and have a chance to see the boys when they came out and I was glad I did- I was able to see how beautiful they were and tell them I was sorry and look forward to meeting them again someday. The surgery was very difficult according to my doctor, because the uterus was small and contracted. Felix (my first child) was delivered by the same procedure in less than 5 minutes at 40weeks, but it took a half hour of what felt like rumaging around for lost car keys in my stomach before they were able to get the boys out, then another hour to clean and sew me up again. My body went into shock as I did the last time (due to the anesthethia and loss of blood I have heard) so I was shaking uncontrollably for the last 30 minutes, but they kept a close eye on me and kept me warm and gave me lots of oxygen. I actually felt a big relief once I saw the boys- although it was sad, there was a bit of closure there and I feel like it was easier to start putting this behind me somewhat. I even made a joke as they x-rayed me after surgery saying "that's to check for scizzors left inside, isn't it?" everyone laughed while my doctor gave me a knowing look. Who says it doesn't pay to watch a lot of medical dramas on tv.

Back in my room after surgery was hard, so tired and in pain from surgery and so sad about the loss which really came to the surface when I saw Paul and realized how much they looked like their dad- I encouraged paul to look at the babies at least and the staff brought them in again, it was hard to look at them again, but it meant alot to say good-bye to them again with Paul. We then felt like it was over when one of the nurses stayed to explain our options for dealing with the babies- we had no idea that they wouldn't do something with them, Paul was told to bring a box for them and make arrangements, but in the meantime the nurse said she would keep them in the fridge, but if I wanted to sleep with them she would bring them back in for me! What?? Then she asked if we had cute clothes to dress them in and baby toys to pose them with for a picture! What?? Later she brought me a "birth congratulations" card with their footprints on it. Nice to have their footprints, but a bit insensitive I thought to give me the "congratulations" version. I am hoping not to have too many more run ins with her, it is scary- could this really be the Japanese normal practice for premature babies who die?

Couldn't sleep last night, too much going on in my head, uncomfortable from surgery and moon boots that pulsate every 8 seconds to make sure I don't get a clot kept me awake, but Paul stayed up with me most of the night holding my hand and comforting me (Felix stayed over with friends)- the boots are really annoying, glad to hear they come off today as well as the catheder (pee tube) so I get toilet priveledges and I get to stand up and walk around too- might be painful, but it will be good to take my first walk around the ward since I got here.

I am feeling stronger and better about getting back to life again, going home and playing with Felix and spending time with my husband is a wonderful thing to look forward to- it seems like its been an eternity. I feel guilty that it is a relief that things are over and I don't have to wait and worry anymore in hospital hoping that the boys will be okay, it is also a relief that they weren't a couple of weeks older and aren't in NICU on death's door for the next 6 months going through agonising surgeries and complications- if this was going to happen sometime, the timing is okay the choice was made for me naturally and so I am trying to accept it. The doctors are doing more testing today, but are pretty sure I wouldn't have any problems if I try to get pregnant again next year, but I can't really think about that until the pain from surgery and losing the boys heals.

Please don't lose hope if you are now going through pprom, there are plenty of success stories and doing all you can by waiting it out as long as you can is worth it, I have cried a lot and expect to cry a lot more but I am lucky to have seen these beautiful babies in action inside me and am lucky to be recovering well and have such a wonderful son and husband to go home to. Our friends and family have been so supportive these last few weeks as well as the wonderful support of the pprom e-mail list from this site.