By Shea, Moreno Valley, CA USAI'm 29, married to my high school sweetheart, with 1 daughter who is 20 months. I had my PPROM on December 6,2003 @ 6:30pm, and my miscarriage on December 13,2003 @ 6:35pm.
PROM at 19 weeksDelivery at 20 weeks.
Story added: 2003-12-31
While in the restroom at work the day of my PPROM I could have sworn I lost my mucus plug, but that was impossible, it was way too early, I was only 19 weeks pregnant. I felt fine all day and continued to work. After work, still feeling great my friend and I did a little Christmas shopping for our girls then headed home. At home I began to show my husband our daughter's Christmas pictures I had just picked up, when all of a sudden I began to feel a lot of pressure. I expressed my concern to him and we both shared the same puzzled look. I thought maybe I needed to go to the restroom, perhaps the baby was sitting funny, and I just needed to go potty. Once in the restroom I began to feel the pressure again but even stronger. I felt as if I needed to push (of course I didn't push), and actually began to feel something coming out. I reached down and felt something bulging (I thought it might have been the baby)! All of a sudden there was a gush of water everywhere. I knew exactly what it was since my water had broke with my 1st pregnancy too at 38 weeks ( I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with an amazing head of hair ). I screamed for my husband, and he rushed me to the ER.
Once in the hospital they confirmed it was my water and checked to see if I was dialated. I later found out that since I wasn't feeling any pain, discomfort, or contractions, they shouldn't have done a pelvic since it could possibly introduce bacteria. A few hours later they transferred me by ambulance to the hospital I was supposed to deliver at with a NICU. The ultrasound showed that I had almost no fluid and the admitting Doctor explained to us what our options were. We decided to expectantly manage the situation and pray for the best. Two days later my AFI went from a 2.5 up to a 3.7! My Doctor told me if I could get above a 5 I could go home and be on bed rest. Another 2 days later it dropped to a 2.3! As you can imagine I was devastated, and cried all day long. I just knew something was wrong. That night I my nurse asked me if I had faith. I told her yes, and she said keep praying... Miracles do happen, but don't pray for what you want, pray for what God wants, and remember that he has a way of taking his Angels back. That night for the first time in a week I prayed for Gods Will to be done, instead of what I wanted. The next day at 20 weeks, He took her.
I felt some mild cramping just before dinner, and had felt some pressure throughout the day, along with loosing a lot of clear watery mucus. I told my nurse, and the On Call Doctor, but they didn't seem to be concerned. After dinner I got up to use the restroom and felt what I thought was a clot coming out. I reached down with some toilet paper to wipe, but it was still coming. I pushed the call button next to the toilet and the lady who took my blood pressure came in to check on me. She took a look and told me to stay put, I still had no idea at this point that it was the baby. What seemed like the entire Labor and Delivery floor came running to my restroom. One of the nurses informed me that I was delivering my baby and they put me back in my bed. The baby had already passed away and was coming out breach. I was able to deliver her body, but then my cervix closed back up around her head. They called the Doctor and transferred me into a L&D room to finish delivering her and the placenta. The baby came without a problem but the placenta would not deliver. Since I had just eaten they were concerned about doing a D&C, because I would have to be put to sleep. They gave me somethig to relax me in hopes that the placenta would relax too and deliver. In the mean time my Husband and daughter showed up, and all I could do was cry and tell him I was sorry. He began to cry too and just held me. The nurses took our daughter to their station, so we could have a few minutes with the baby. We did choose to see her and hold her, and we named her Paige. She looked perfect, just very tiny. She weighed 9.6oz (just over 1/2 a lb.), and was 10in. long. She had such sweet tiny features with ten ity bity fingers and ten tiny winy toes. The nurses put together a memory package for us which included a booklet on grieving, two blank hospital bracelets (mine & the baby's), pictures of the baby, and a certificate with her stats and hand and feet prints. After a few moments with Paige I had to go into surgery for a D&C since my placenta would not deliver. My husband stayed with the baby and waited for a Priest to come and give her a Blessing. I don't know exaclty what makes the difference between a stillbirth and a miscarriage, but we were told that I had a miscarriage. We did not have to have a death certificate, and it was up to us if we wanted to have a service for Paige. With it being so hard on everyone already we decided to let the hospital take care of everything. But before we did it was very important to know what they do with her remains. We were told that she would be buried in a non marked area with other babies who didn't make it. For us it seemed appropriate that she be with the other little Angels who didn't get to go home with their families.
A few weeks have passed, and each day is a healing process. I am so thankful that I had my other daughter to come home to, she keeps me busy. We are very grateful to have such loving and prayerful friends and family. We were also appreciative of the nurses to put together out memory package. When we came home we bought a beautiful wooded box and had a plaque engraved for Paige's things. We will probably never know why this happened, and I pray that in the future that all of us can have healthy full term pregnancies with healthy babies. I know that there is nothing anyone can say to make the pain go away, but I did find some comfort in something a friend told me. She said don't let the things that people say like "You can have another baby" or "It was God's will" bother you. They don't mean any harm by it. Another baby will not replace the one you lost, but perhaps you can find happiness in the child/children you already have or one day God willing you will rejoice in the birth of another child. Death is not the will of God. He too knows what it is to lose a child. He gave is his only son for you and me, and he feels your pain. Finally, remember that your precious baby was not the least bit surprised to wake up in the arms of Jesus. They are in the presence of peace and joy that we will only know when we join them. They do not have the constraints of time with Him and so it will be as tomorrow. Sadly, it is those of us on earth who feel the sadness of the days that pass so slowly. Concentrate on the good things in your life and before you realize it things will be made smooth for you again.
I will keep you and your families in my prayers.
Good Bless,
Shea