By Kimberly Austin, Miami, Fl USA
PROM at 20 weeksDelivery at 21 weeks + 6 days.
Story added: 2003-03-06

I'm just writing this to tell my story and get a little off my chest. I just turned 18 years old and am a senior in high school. I found out I was pregnant last September with my boyfriend of two years' child. I was scared but decided to have the child anyway because I would still be able to graduate in June and I had alot of support from him and our families. For 20 weeks I had a normal pregancy and was very happy besides all the sickness and fatigue. That all changed when on one of my ob appointments the doctor told me the afp test came back positive for spina bifida. I wasn't sure at the time how serious that was but I didn't dwell on it too much. I was sent to see a specialist who did an ultrasound and found that my due date was miscalculated and my pregancy was off by about a month I think it was 3 weeks. He sounded very confident in saying that the test could have been invalid because I wasn't enough weeks pregnant to take the test and I should take the test again. I also found out that day I was having a baby girl so I went home happy. I retook the blood test and about a week later the test came back postive again, but this time the risk for spina bifida was even greater. I went back to the specialist to have an amnio done to see if everything was ok but when an ultrasound was done it showed that my amniotic fluid had drastcially decreased since I had been there last week. It was at a low 4.29cm, and I really hadn't noticed any leakage besides the discharge that I thought was normal. This brought about another problem to add to the spina bifida risk and to the "red spot" on the baby's heart which might've meant nothing but is also related to DS. I was so upset that all this just happened so fast and all along I thought I had a healthy pregnancy. Well, anyways only having 4cm of fluid I was sent home like I was normal and not even told that I should've been on best rest like I later found out. The next evening I noticed a little leakage but I didn't tell anyone because I was so scared. I told my boyfriend the next day and he told his mom who immediately rushed me to the nearest hospital. I went to the labor and delivery floor and was scared that I was going to lose my baby girl. They called my doctor and I had an ultrasound done to measure the fluid which had decreased about another 2cm. Everyone was talking so grimly about the situation except for the ultrasound tech. who was showing me my baby's face and body like nothing was wrong. She even printed out a picture of the baby's face that said "I love you mommy and daddy!". I was so confused and upset. The doctor told me that I would have to stay at the hospital and be put on bed rest with an iv until the fluid went back up although he also mentioned that it was a 9:1 chance that it would do so. Later a neonatal doctor also talked to me and told me the chances for a baby born at less than 24 weeks to survive were very low and would have other problems such as respiratory problems and limb problems. All this on top of a high risk for spina bifida! I was so devastated. The first two nights at the hospital were horrible; I couldn't sleep or eat the disgusting food and I kept thinkning about going home. I couldn't stay in the hospital for months I thought. My mom talked to me very carefully about the second option of termination because of all the risks. I didn't want to lose my baby but how could I take care of such a sick child and still try to pursue a college education? If I stayed at the hosipital I probably wouldn't even have graduated. After being "convinced" that this was the best thing to do for me and the baby I talked to my boyfriend about the situatuion and reluctantly he agreed as well as his family. I spoke with the doctor about this and he said it was better this way because his daughter had also been through a similar situation. Well I was given the medication to induce my labor on Monday night and by Tuesday morning on Feb. 11, 2003 I had given birth to a beautiful baby girl. She didn't even have a heartbeat. My boyfriend and I held her and told her we loved her and said goodbye. They gave me a beautiful little box with her little hat and gown and pictures they took of her. Even her tiny little footprints. At the hospital I was fine I felt I had made the best decision. But the next day after coming home I cryed and cryed. Everything made me cry about the situation. I regret my decision so much because I should've waited to see if the fluid could go back up. I didn't even wait a week. I can't believe how impatient I was. It's going to be a week tomorrow and I have to return to school. It's so hard to talk to people about this and I know they're going to ask what happened to my stomach.
I know this has been a long post but I had to get my feelings out. I know now that I can't change the past, I have to accept it and move on. I will never forget Nyana, she was my first pregnancy. I changed my whole life for her. I changed the way I dressed, the way I ate, I stopped hanging around some of my wild party friends. I just have to focus on getting my life back to normal. Goodbye Babygirl. Thanks to anyone who reads this.