By Melanie, Atlanta, Georgia USA
PROM at 22 weeks + 4 days. Delivery at 23 weeks + 3 days.
Story added: 2003-01-04

After having my second child (first two were both overdue and healthy), I suffered from Asherman's syndrome - meaning my uterus was scarred. I went through two surgeries wondering if I would ever get pregnant again.

Then, in August, I found out I was pregnant. This was a true "volunteer" baby, as I had been out of town and seen my husband only one weekend the prior month, at a time I should not have been ovulating.

I experienced spotting in the first trimester, but had with all my pregnancies. Then, at 13 weeks, I was in a terrible accident and my back caught fire. I was on all kinds of pain killers, which scared me, but all ultrasounds showed baby doing fine.

We found out we were having another girl on November 27. Little did I know I would deliver her one short month later.

My water broke on December 21st. I thought I had felt a bulge two days earlier, but couldn't find any information about what it would be from my maternity books, and decided I just hadn't noticed this with my first two children. I regret not having called the doctor then.

After convincing the doctor it truly was my water, not pee, I went to Labor and Delivery. He confirmed that I was a PROM Queen. I thought it was over. I thought I would be forced into labor and knew she was not yet viable. Thankfully, he gave me some hope, but braced me for the bad possibility.

I spent the next 4 days in the hospital with my legs above my head hoping that it would turn into 14 weeks. The perinatologist brought me the same bad news, but there was still some hope.

On Christmas morning, they couldn't find her heart beat. I was not even scared at all because she had been stubborn before, but the doctor came in with the ultrasound and gave me the awful news. Ainslee had died.

In an awful way, I was prepared for her death, but I was not prepared for stillbirth. I thought I would at least be able to hold her while she died. The doctors had told me my biggest enemies were infection and labor, never did they say that she might die while inside of me.

It turns out labor was not likely to have happened. It took 2 1/2 days for me to deliver her tiny 12 ounce body. I kept expecting them to do a C- section, but each time I asked my dr. said this was going to work. No one braced me for the possibility that they wouldn't do a C-section, rather if they couldn't get her out in-tact they would do a D&E. I delivered all but her head and the dr. said "I'll be back in a little while", no other explanation. I could not believe that women in the year 2002 have to undergo such excrutiatingly difficult emotional and physical pain with our standard of technology. The nurse explained that if the dr. didn't wait, she would either tear my cervix or have to "hurt the baby". I had survived the past two days knowing I would get to hold and see Ainslee, but no one had warned me that that might not happen. Thankfully it did. She was long like my first, and had huge lips like my second. I knew holding that tiny fragile body that her death was meant to be.

The placenta didn't deliver, so I was rushed for a D&C. I was told I needed a blood transfusion, but I felt like I was the "one" in the risk factors rather than the "200,000", and declined. This has made for a difficult physical recovery, as well as emotional.

I am frustrated at the lack of information about PROM by my drs. I fear there may be something they could do for my next pregnancy, but that their lack of knowledge will lead to this again.

I am suffering at the loss of my baby and my dreams for our family. I am anxious to feel life inside me again, while also scared of this happening again. I pray for another joyous hospital birth, but if not, I comfort myself knowing that Ainslee is with her Heavenly Father and I will see her again.