By Lucille, Calgary, Alberta Canada
PROM at 16 weeks + 5 days. Delivery at 17 weeks + 2 days.
Story added: 2002-09-25

After days of worrisome discharges that no one seemed to be able to explain -- lots of mucusy stuff, some tissue blobs, some tissue with blood -- my water broke on a Monday. I felt the wetness on my leg when I went to the bathroom in the morning and then it all pretty much came out. My heart sank, because I'd been reading up enough to know that it was probably amniotic fluid. Sure enough, we went to emergency, and they confirmed by tests and ultrasound that I had lost all my fluid. But the baby's heartbeat was still a strong 160. The doctor did not give us much hope. She said there was about a 10% chance that the baby might live without fluid, and perhaps the fluid would start replenishing. We were given the option of a D&C or inducing, but we opted out as the baby's heartbeat was still going and we had just become too attached to it not to hope against all odds. I was sent home and asked to take it easy and book an ultrasound the following Monday to check fluid levels. On Tuesday, my I started bleeding and passing bit clots. My girlfriend took me back to Emerge because my husband, as luck would have it, was away on business all day. Then it subsided, and they sent me home again. Baby's heart still beating. I was crying pretty much constantly by then. The next two days were tough. My husband was back. I had discovered this site by then, so I was hoping against all hope that our baby would be one of the miracle ones. But my body's signals were not good. More fluid leakage, bad cramping, and on Friday afternoon, the worst backache I ever had. I started having contractions at 6:15. They were bad. Two hours later, we delivered our little girl. She was absolutely perfect. My husband and I held her and cried so hard. I felt that she had shown incredible strength, and had been fighting with all her might, and my body had just not done right by her. I had let her down, and I couldn't bear it. I have never felt so inadequate in all my life and now, 4 days later, although everyone tells me it's not my fault, I still believe that my body let down an absolutely perfect little girl. I'm so sorry, Molly. Being helpless to prevent your own child's death is the most awful realisation in the world.

After we said goodbye to Molly, things got worse. Physically, at least. My placenta refused to come out, but the contractions got much more intense. They kept upping my dosage of morphine and gravol, then added another pain killer to the cocktail and then yet another. After 12 hours of this I was screaming and swearing at everyone to please get me into OR and do a D&C. Which they finally did. It was a good thing, because the doctor said that the placenta would not have come out naturally as it was pretty adhered. I wonder whether that will give our doctors any clues as to the cause of this miscarriage, and maybe ideas on how to prevent it if I'm lucky enough to conceive again. I don't know. Right now I'm so sad.

I feel for all those who have lost babies through PROM. I know the despair you must feel. I pray for you the same thing that I pray for us: that you will find peace, and will go on to a successful pregnancy.