By Shona, Johannesburg South Africa
PROM at 15 weeksDelivery at 15 weeks + 1 days.
Story added: 2002-06-20

I found out I was pg again on the 15th March 2002. I was very surprised as I have PCOS and this was entirely natural. So we were surprised but elated. At 11w4d I was booked in the following Monday for a cerclage at 12w1d(I had an emergency one during my last pg at 18w for Incompetent cervix, then on bedrest and Caitlyn was born at 28w3d - her Story is listed under 27-28w). Everything went fine and I spent 2 nights in hospital. Came home Wed 15th May and went onto bedrest. Saw doc 27th May and everything looked great. I was to be allowed back to work the following Monday 1/2 day only . Tuesday morning I woke up and was not feeling too well. Had a bit of pain, so doc said come in to see him. Did a scan and there on the scan you could see the top of the cervix above the stitch opening and closing, so I was immediately re-admitted and put on an Ipradol drip (had been taking oral ipradol to stop contractions but it obviously was not working - I live in South Africa - they don't use mag sulphate here anymore as Ipradol is considered much better without all the nasty side effects ). Anyway Friday morning they did another scan and everything looked good. Baby was looking great and weighing around 140grams (4oz) (I was 14w5d according to early u/s, 15w1d according to my calcs). He let me go home Friday, with strict bedrest instructions. We were told that I would not be coming back to work at all. Saturday morning I woke up having proper contractions, so John (dh) rushed me through to the hospital. My doc was not on call and was out of Johannesburg , so he consulted with the doc on call and they again placed me on an ipradol drip, plus gave me an Atarax injection to relax all the muscles. This thankfully worked and I spent a sleepy day in hospital. Sunday morning I started with contractions again, and again was given an Atarax injection as well as some suppository for pain. Again this worked and again I spent a sleepy day in hospital. John and Caitlyn came to visit that afternoon and left around 6pm. At about 7:50pm I started having contractions again, and when John phoned me at 8pm I had just called the nurse as they hit me every 5min right off and I were 30sec in length. I couldn't talk to John for long and said I wouold phone him later. The nurses got hold of my normal doc and were told to mix an injection of pethidine and atarax and see if that helped. John arrived just before they gave it to me. Unfortunately at this stage nothing was helping, and over the next 2 hours I went from having contractions 5 min apart to every 2min, 45sec in length. Eventually the labour ward sister came down and I was also given a second shot of pethidine and another supps for pain. Eventually 3 hours after they started the contractions finally stopped (I was in full labour by this stage, contractions 1min apart and 50sec-60sec in length - but of course the stitch was keeping everything in), and I was so doped up that I passed out. I can't remember if it was a short time or a long time later, but John had gone home, and I felt a pop. There was a sister in the room with me and I said I needed to go to the toilet, and that I was soaking wet. She just brushed it off as me having an accident due to all the meds and that it was just urine, but in my heart of hearts I knew differently (I should mention I was in a normal gynaecological ward) . The next morning when my doc came in again, I told him about the pop and the water and he immediately called me up for a scan. There was no water left at all and my babies heartbeat had stopped. He was going to remove the stitch in his surgery, but when he checked he said he would hurt me too much, and would have to do it under general. Unbeknownst to me, the reason was that if he had removed the stitch there and then, everything would come out immediately. That afternoon (June 3rd) I was wheeled into theatre, and my precious little baby boy was born still. I was just over 15w pg.

This has hit me really hard and I in no way want to be at work this morning, but unfortunately life must go on I guess. I was so optimistic especially once I hit that 12w mark. You sort of breathe a sigh of relief and think everything will be plain sailing from then on out, plus there is such good statistical figures over having a stitch placed early with IC that I never in a million years expected to be one of that 10-20% stat that don't make it to 28w. I guess it's also maybe harder because it was a little boy and I was so hoping for a boy because men even if they don't admit it still like to have a son. It might be silly I don't know, but I wanted to name the baby seeming as we knew the sex so we named him Sean (Irish form of John) after his daddy. Everyone keeps telling me rather now than later, and I swear I feel like hitting them. Better for whom????????? If the pain gets worse the later you lose a baby then God bless everyone who has every lost a baby later on because I feel so much pain right now. To me he was already my little baby boy and it is a death. I was so totally unprepared emotionally for this. I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that there were losses that could occur and a stitch was not a guarantee, but being human and playing the glad game I never thought about these things. I was also so totally unprepared for the labour. We never had ante-natal classes for our first as we never got far enough, so I really had no clue. Once the labour sister came down and helped with my breathing etc the pain did start being better but for 2 hours I was having major contractions and was fighting the pain the best I could. In all my life I have never felt pain like that, but you know what I would go through that pain 100 times over if it meant that I could have my baby boy back. I have never seen John so scared and worried though, I think he was concerned that something was going to happen to me as well. I am trying to be grateful for the one little miracle I do have, but am so angry right now. My mind tells me that these things happen for a reason, but when have you even known the head to rule the emotions. My heart is breaking and I know that it is also important to let yourself grieve properly. We might try again in another year or so, but we will see.