By Lisa, Bolingbrook, IL USAOur loss occurred on July 31, 2001. I've waited several months to tell my story because it's just been too painful. (It's a little long, so I apologize ahead of time!)
PROM at 19 weeks + 3 days. Delivery at 19 weeks + 3 days.
Story added: 2001-11-17
My husband and I had been trying to conceive for almost four years when we learned that we were pregnant. We had been undergoing fertility treatments for quite some time and decided to take the summer off. One month later, we were pregnant - on our own! We were shocked, dismayed and overjoyed!! I was watched like a hawk from the very beginning by our infertility doctor and given progesterone supplements early on, since my progesterone appeared to be a bit low. They were taking every precaution. I had a little bleeding in the first two months of pregnancy and the doctors warned us to be "cautiously optimistic". I monitored my physical changes with great intensity and compensated for any little change, watched for any potential problem and took it easy as much as possible. We had many successful ultrasounds and as the months progressed with no bleeding, we were hopeful and started to allow ourselves to get excited that the pregnancy may actually go to full term.
For several weeks, I had a cold that would not go away (no fever). I saw my doctor and he said that it will just run its course and that everything was progressing nicely. Early in my 19th week, I started having a thicker discharge. I didn't think much of it, and the books I was reading said that it was normal, but decided to stay in bed since I was feeling a bit under the weather. The next day, I had the same discharge, although not as frequent, but this time with a very slight bit of blood. I decided to get some rest and call the doctor the next day and not take any chances. I awoke early the next morning with back pain that would come and go as I changed position. I attributed it to being in bed for the past two days and waited to call the doctor's office. At around 11:00 a.m., my water broke. I knew immediately what had happened and knew that the outcome could not be good at such an early stage. I immediately called the doctor's office and talked to a nurse. I tried to remain calm. I explained the situation and asked if I should go to the emergency room. She asked if I was having contractions. I told her that since it was my first pregnancy, I wasn't sure what contractions felt like, but that I only had pain from time to time in my lower back. She said that if I wasn't having frontal contractions/pain that I probably wasn't in labor (WRONG!), eventhough it had appeared that my water broke. She set up an appointment for me to come into the doctor's office in two hours, eventhough every instinct told me to get to the emergency room.
At the doctor's office, they made me wait for at least 1/2 hour before seeing me. By this time, the pain in my back was intensifying. My husband demanded they put me in a room. My doctor was not in the office and I saw another doctor on duty. He did an ultrasound and confirmed our worst fears...the baby was doing fine, fully formed, heart beating strongly, but I had lost most of my fluid. He noted that my cervix was still completely closed and started to give us our options (bed rest to see if the fluid would replenish or D&E to end the pregnancy). Being an infertility couple, it was extremely difficult for us to make the decision. The doctor said that if it were his wife, and based upon the timing (19 weeks) and past outcomes he's experienced, he suggested the D&E - especially where my health was concerned and for future pregnancies. Although, since the hospital he was affilitated with was a religous hospital, they would not perform a D&E since the baby was still alive and he would have to refer me to another hospital. The pain was getting unbearable and so we reluctantly decided to have the D&E and he began making arrangements. When he returned 5 minutes later, I had gone into full labor. The doctor did an exam and was shocked to find that I was fully dilated and the baby was presenting itself. He immediately called an ambulance and had me rushed to the hospital five minutes away. Within minutes of arriving at the hospital, I had our beautiful son, 7 oz. 8 inches long. He was pronouced dead on arrival. The time of death was 2:45 p.m. July 31, 2001. The doctor said he had never seen anything like it before...everything happened so quickly. Through our shock and despair, my husband and I were grateful that the decision was ultimately made for us, but it did not ease our pain.
From taking my blood upon arrival, the hospital discovered that my white blood cell count was triple its normal amount, indicating infection. I also spiked a high fever 12 hours after delivering that lasted three days and required heavy antibiotics and hosipal stay. Due to these factors, the doctors believe the cause may have been infection, but we will never truly know. Autopsy results show that the baby was perfectly healthy. I do have to say, that the doctor and the hospital staff were wonderful, caring and compassionate through the entire ordeal.
It's now three and 1/2 months later and my heart still aches terribly. Had it not been for the love and support of our family and friends, I don't think we would have made it through emotionally. It's still a struggle every day, some worse than others. We are talking about trying again, but I am so fearful it will happen again. Whatever happens, I am so grateful just for the opportunity to have been pregnant and feel a life growing inside of me. We will always have our beautiful guardian angel watching over us. I miss him so.
Thanks for letting me share my (long!) story. Reading the other stories brings me comfort...I know I am not alone. Thank you for sharing your stories. My prayers are with you all.
Lisa