By Susan, Chicago, Il USA
PROM at 23 weeksDelivery at 26 weeks + 1 days.
Story added: 2001-09-17

I am 37 years old, and I have a 10 year old son. In 1991, I noted a trickle of fluid down my leg late one night in my 4th month of pregnancy. I immediately thought I was going to lose the pregnancy, but over the phone I was told to come to the hospital because sometimes these "seal up." The ultrasound showed a healthy, good sized baby and a low normal level of amniotic fluid. The OB did mention that inducing labor at that time was an option. Others stated that some families with other children "did not have time for this." I assumed that they were refering to bedrest, and knew that I was willing to do whatever it would take for the baby to do well. At that time I showed no signs of infection, and only rare contractions. After three weeks of daily worry I began to notice that my back aches were coming more frequently. Frequent checks had shown no cervical dilitation to that date, so no one believed me when I said I thought the baby was coming.
Suddenly, out popped a tiny foot and they started taking me seriously. He was born at one of the finest hospitals in the city. All measures were taken at his birth to ensure his survival. Surfactant was administered before his first breath. In fact, animal derived form was utilized despite being still in the FDA approval stage. He fought for life, receiving many transfusions, remaining on the ventilator until 5 weeks. He extubated himself and began to nurse that night. We saw his face for the first time then without any tubes. We thought the rest of the course would be "feed and grow", as they call it. Except for the apnea, for which he received theophylline treatment, it seemed to be the case.
We took home a seven pound baby nursing without supplementation. No monitors were connected. I sat awake and watched him sleep whenever he wasn't nursing. Except for profound sleep deprivation, things appeared somewhat back to normal.
We decided when he was 8 months to reward the families efforts with a trip to Disney. This led to the first of a long series of hospitaliztions. Our life has never been the same.
The asthma that threated his life multiple times went on for years. When he was noted not to progress in his physical development we eventually learned of his cerebral palsy. He has undergone a multitude of surgeries an orthpedic manipulations. His life goes on around a barrage of therapies. He is a beautiful, emotionally strong child who now walks unassisted. He attends a regular school and holds the promise of a wonderful future. He occasionally exclaims that we don't know what it is like. But we do. What has truly been destroyed is my marriage. My husband lives in a world where all things are fair and there is someone to blame for all things bad. Furthermore, there is no God. There is something I should have known about the way things would be that I deliberatly kept from him. I am punished everyday. Not by the challenges put forth on my child, but by the paranoid and hateful accusations of my husband. I cannot continue under these circumstances. I don't know what to do, but I must thik of something. I loved the man I married but he died 10 years ago. I don't think I can forgive the abuse he has directed toward me (and on occasion or older child). As you can see, I could certainly write a book of these experiences, so I will stop for now. I will read the writings of the rest of you to help me in this quest. More to come...