By Annie, - Raleigh, NC USAWell, Lam will be 6 months old tomorrow. During my PROM pregnancy, I was writing many posts/day to the group, some of the absolute greatest ladies in the world, but then after the delivery I was so busy I lost touch. I decided to wait to post so I could tell you how he is developing, not just how he seemed just after delivery.
PROM at 20 weeksDelivery at 32 weeks.
Story added: 2001-04-30
It seems my body was not made to create life. I could not conceive. I had blocked tubes and surgery to remove a septum from my uterus. My husband and I tried unsuccessfully at IVF twice. Finally on the 3rd try we conceived twins - a girl and a boy. It took several weeks to actually believe I was pregnant, because we had gotten our hopes up on previous IVF's only to have them crushed. But we did name them immediately: my angelic daughter would be Katie, and my husband would have a "Jr.". For a couple weeks we allowed ourselves to feel joy and hope of having a perfect, instant family. But Lam lived and Katie died.
I bled the entire pregnancy. Failing IVF's were like very early miscarriages, for me anyway. So I was afraid to get my hopes up. After the first trimester, at 16 weeks when most pregnancies make it, we wallpapered the kids' room. The next day I gushed blood. The intern told me I had placenta abruption and very low amniotic fluid around the babies, and there were three possible outcomes: the babies would die immediately, they would live to delivery and die at birth because they couldn't breathe, or they would be delivered but not be healthy.
I put myself on bedrest at home. A few weeks passed and I had ultrasounds where Katie always had very little fluid (AFP 1) and Lam had a little more (AFP 3). Other doctors said there was another possible, but highly improbable outcome: that they would make it.
We shopped for a minivan. The only positive thing towards the pregnancy since the wallpapering. I kid you not, that night Katie's water broke. I was 20 weeks. I went to the hospital and was told the chances of taking home a baby was not good, but "not 0". The hospital with a Level III NICU only took patients at 24 weeks, when they believe they are "viable". It took a lot of fighting and one good doctor to let me stay at the this hospital on complete bedrest until I could get to 24 weeks. Most of the doctors thought I should go home to miscarry.
The next week, at 21 weeks, after a week of complete hospital bedrest, Lam's water broke. Neither I nor any doctor I came across had heard of both twins' waters breaking.
I stopped referring to them as Katie and Lam, and called them "the girl" and "the boy", I mean no one expected them to live, so why should I get attached to them? Then I came across this great site and learned a lot. I prepared myself with a camera to take pictures of my dying or dead babies, loved them while they were inside of me, and tried to have hope. Eventually I did have hope. I was always scared, but did have hope. And I started calling them by name again.
Water came out constantly (2 babies peeing you know), and the AFP's stayed at < 1. I went to L&D a few times, had a few bleeding scares, and a couple "sterile speculums" :) Heck I was in the hospital for 3 months.
They'd check me for infection, run tests, evaluate the daily monitors, and every day the doctor would tell me I'd deliver any day now. A doctor from the NICU asked me how long I wanted my babies to "suffer" in the NICU before letting them die. FINALLY, at 27 weeks, after almost 2 months of this, a doctor said he had hope for 27-weekers and one might live. But he still said I'd deliver any day.
At about 30 weeks they worked on a delivery plan of inducing me at 34 weeks. I knew I had to make it to 32 weeks, because I believed that's when there's a good chance that, if the lungs are OK, that they will not have other serious problems. Of course I knew that weeks 19-23 are the critical ones for lung development via the amniotic fluid, so there was a good chance that no matter when I delivered they'd die at birth because they couldn't breathe. I prommed at 20/21 weeks, but also had very low fluid since week 16 from the placenta abruption(s).
When I hit 32 weeks I went into 12 hours of labor, which didn't show up on the monitors as labor, but had me crying for 12 hours. Finally they tested my blood and I had an infection, so they did an emergency c-section. Scary, scary, scary, but at least it would be over soon.
I listened to soothing music, because I didn't want to be hysterical. I knew in a few minutes I would have 0, 1, or 2 (highly unlikely) babies. They pulled out Lam, I heard baby noises and they let my husband see him. They did not even tell us when they pulled out Katie, they just started sewing me up.
A few minutes later they said both babies were "pink", which they did not expect. I was in shock. I should have known, though, because shortly thereafter they said Katie had pulmonary hypoplasia and would not make it, and they would bring her to us for her last moments.
My angel was tiny, 2 lbs 12 oz, beautiful, and fragile. She looked perfect and healthy to me, I didn't understand why she was dying. We had a hand pump to help her breathe. It was so sad and unbelievable. I couldn't sit up from my c-section, so they just laid her on me. We took our pictures. When they brought her to us, her cheeks were warm. When she left us they were cold. I had spent months where my only job was to protect my babies, and now she was dying. For weeks after she died, I still wanted to protect her.
Lam weighed 3 lbs 13 oz, went to the NICU, and we saw him that night. We were very scared, not knowing if he would make it. He was ventilated for 5 days and was on oxygen his entire NICU stay (6.5 weeks). He had some PH. We finally brought him home a week before Christmas.
We were still scared. We had one baby die in our arms. Where were the monitors? I was afraid to look away for an instant for fear he would stop breathing. But somehow he grew fine and healthy, in fact many people were saying he was fat! I take that as a compliment ;)
So now he's 1/2 year old. He seems to be a completely normal, healthy, happy baby. His 4-month (corrected age) developmental evaluation indicates his strong suit is problem solving. He's also doing well in communication, fine motor, and personal-social. His biggest challenge is gross motor - pushing up on his tummy and holding his head up at 90 degrees. He does have mild torticollis (head tilts to one side, from position in utero, but will probably be fine) and a large head ;) But he's making progress on tummy time and holding his head up almost daily it seems. The doctors say his lungs may be fine, or he could have asthma or some other breathing problem that may show up later - too early to tell.
He's very interested in his surroundings, enjoys stroller walks and Gymboree. He grabs toys and puts them in his mouth. He talks a LOT. He coos and smiles and kicks and flails his arms like a fish out of water while he laughs out loud. He smiles easily.
He's absolutely beautiful. We are so incredibly lucky to have him in our lives! I get to spend all day and night with him. I've seen all his firsts - sucking his thumb, putting the pacifier back into his mouth, rolling onto his side, pushing up on his arms. His first laughing out loud - early on I always smiled at him. One time I was smiling, and he knitted his eyebrows. I imitated him exaggerated. It took him off guard and he thought it was a riot.
He's 16 lbs and 24". He's been sleeping 10 hours/night for 2 months now! He went through a period for a month after he came home from the hospital where he cried a lot and our inexperience as parents really showed itself. But now he's a very happy baby. He doesn't cry much and we're able to anticipate his needs.
He picked his first flower for me! Daddy held him up to an azalea bush and he picked a pink blossom. Then they found me, I put my hand under Lam's, he opened his hand, and the blossom fell into my hand! It was incredibly sweet!!!