Surviving the Unthinkable: – Saying Good-bye to Your Baby

If you are reading this section because your doctor has told you that there is no way your pregnancy can continue and your baby will not survive long after birth, please know how sorry we are. Many of the members of the PROM mailing list have also experienced a perinatal loss and our hearts go out to you and your family. This is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through.

Note to the reader

If you are reading this page because your health care practitioner told you that you “should” terminate your pregnancy, but

• you have not inquired about whether any other alternative treatments are available to you (such as amnioinfusion or amniopatch); or
• you have not asked if continuing the pregnancy would endanger your health; or
• you have a gut feeling that this is not the right decision for you,

stop now, and go back to your practitioner to get the information you need before you agree to proceed. You will find suggestions for questions to ask and things to discuss with your practitioner here. Don’t be shy about talking to your practitioner a second, third, or even fourth time if you feel uncertain for any reason about the decision to end your pregnancy.

Many PROM list members were initially told that they “should” terminate their pregnancies simply because their health care practitioners believed that their babies’ chances of survival were low, and not because the women themselves were showing signs of infection or were in active labor. After examining their options, many of these women ultimately rejected the suggestion that they terminate, and some went on to have healthy babies.

Because we do not know anything about your situation, there is no way we can determine whether it is safe for you to wait to deliver your baby or guarantee that you will also have a healthy baby if you do not terminate your pregnancy. That is why you MUST talk with your health care practitioner if you are at all uncertain what is right for you and your family. If you have any concerns that your practitioner is not advising you adequately, make sure to get a second opinion from another practitioner, if possible one that specializes in dealing with high risk pregnancies.

Being certain that termination is the right choice for you is important since, in most cases, once you begin the procedure, you cannot change your mind. Speak to your practitioner again if you have any doubts or are unwilling to give up hope just yet.

For those of you who have explored your options and will be going through the process of delivering your baby, we would like to share some information that helped those of us who have experienced losses or that we wish we knew ahead of time.

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