This was a long awaited pregnancy,
everything we ever wanted.
The pregnancy was without problem, I
did not suffer any of the traditional
Inconveniences. Our nightmare started
on Saturday June 19th, 2010, like
every Saturday morning, I was at work
finishing reports when my membrane
broke. At that time, I did not know
what happened, the first lost of
amniotic fluid was not that much, I
had been told that as the baby gets
big and he will put more pressure on
the bladder, accident was possible.
But 30 minutes later I lost got more
important. My colleagues contacted my
dr.
The Dr said that I needed to come in
right away.
I was not explained much as we waited
for my Dr to arrive. They did blood
test, Echo …
When my dr arrived the bad news, my
membrane broke, I lost liquid, and I
had to be hospitalized, strict best
rest. Everything happened so fast; I
did not understand how could this
happened to me? I was filled with
worries for my baby. The Dr said that
they will try to prolong the pregnancy
has long as they could. They started
antibiotic treatment, injection to
develop the baby’s lung and very close
monitoring.
On the following Monday, my dr came in
with the devastating news; He needed
to do an emergency c-section right
away. The reason, lack of amniotic
fluid. My world stopped. I was in a
panic. No one would give me more
information, statistics, risk. The
information was always vague. I called
my mom (back in Canada) to explain
what was happening. I could not
believe it. I made my husband promise
to go with the baby as soon as he was
born, to never leave his side. 30
minutes later I was on the operating
room, again no one was talking to me.
I knew my son was born, because I
heard the nurse say “Samuel Cloutier
Segura, time of birth 5:50 pm”.
After the operation, they took me back
to my room. I was not allowed to see
my baby until the next morning. It was
the worst night of my life, I could
not sleep, and I wanted to see my
baby. My husband told me he was little
but strong and so beautiful.
First thing in the morning, I was at
the NICU to see my son for the first
time. Nothing could have prepared me
for this. He was so little, 2 pounds 2
ounces, the incubator, breathing tub,
IV… I was afraid and hurt. Why did
this happen? I did not understand.
For the next 7 days, I spent all my
time with him, talking; signing him
songs, holding is little hand. He got
more lung medication, antibiotics.
Every day was a new victory, he was
breathing well, getting stronger. I
had started pumping milk; the dr said
that by Sunday they could start
feeding him. I was filled with hope; I
knew that he would get bigger and
stronger when he would start feeding.
Saturday June 26th, the dr said he
needed a blood transfusion; luckily
his daddy was a perfect match. I sat
with him during the procedure. He was
such a good boy, a fighter. He never
cried. Ever procedure made me feel
more confident.
Sunday morning I arrived at the
hospital early, like always. The
nurses where uncomfortable, they asked
me where was my husband. I explained
that he had to go back to work, that I
was alone and I wanted to see my son.
The dr arrived, serious looking, he
also asked where my husband was…
Again, I explained. He sat in front of
me, I knew something was wrong. I was
scared. And then he said the words; “I
am very sorry, your son died at 5:10
this morning. We tried everything but
he was too little, too weak”
At that moment my heart stop, I did
not hear anything else he said. I got
up, walk to the NICU and asked the
nurse if I could hold him for a little
while. 6 weeks later, I still don’t
understand, I still have a million
questions. I still do all the if… And
I still wonder what I could have done
differently. I feel guilty, that I
could not do more for him. That I was
not wore educated on the subject, that
I did not ask enough questions.
This website as been a salvation.
thank you
Marie C Segura
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