I found out I was pregnant with twins
when I was 7 weeks pregnant. I was
thrilled! I already have two boys,
ages 8 and 4, and their pregnancies
were perfect... no complications at
all. So I was thrilled to be having
two more little ones.
At 9 weeks I went for a routine
ultrasound and found out baby B had a
serious heart defect. I was sent to a
high risk specialist the next week and
was devastated to find out that baby B
had not survived. My heart was broken.
I didn't know my heart could feel so
much pain. The only thing anyone could
say was "at least you're going to have
one healthy baby".
I had an ultrasound at 18w and baby A
was doing great. My cervix was
perfect, and there was nothing to be
concerned about. Baby A is a girl. We
named her Rose.
At 19w 6d I noticed my panties were
wet. Not soaked, but moist,
constantly! I had an appointment with
my OB the next morning, so I went to
bed and tried not to worry.
I went to my Dr the next morning and
mentioned that I felt like I was
leaking something. She asked my
husband to leave the room with my four
year old so she could "take a peek".
As soon as she inserted the speculum
and looked, she put my knees up to my
chest and told me not to move. She
left the room and dialed 911. The only
thing my Dr said was that I was
bulging.
I was brought to the local hospital.
They tried to determine if my
membranes had ruptured, but the tests
were coming back inconclusive. So I
was transported to another hospital
where they had a high risk OB team
waiting for me. My nurse whispered in
my ear before I left "Good luck
sweetie, but don't get your hopes up
too high. Your baby is probably not
going to make it".
I arrived at the second hospital and
it was chaotic. I was having pelvic
exams with 5 doctors looking inside me
and trying to determine what was going
on. I was still strong though, still
hopeful.
Then came the news. My membranes had
definitely ruptured and my baby's
outlook was not good. I was advised to
terminate the pregnancy immediately to
avoid possible infection to myself.
That's when I lost it. I could still
feel Rose kicking and moving around.
There was no way I could terminate.
The doctors strongly disagreed but
understood. My husband and I cried,
cried, and cried some more.
I just wanted a minute to think.
The doctors explained to me the odds
of the baby being able to stay in my
womb for another 4 weeks without
infection, the risks of infection, and
how even if I did manage to keep this
baby inside me until 24 weeks, its
lungs would be underdeveloped and
probably have brain damage. I told
them all to leave me alone. Their
negative words were not helping
anyone. I thanked them for their
advice and told them i'd call them
when I needed them.
My husband at this point told me that
he could not risk losing me and the
baby. He wanted me to terminate. So I
threw him out of the room too.
Alone with my laptop finally, I got on
the internet. I found this website. I
read stories about women who had gone
through the same thing. I read about
babies that made it. That was all I
needed, a little hope. Someone to say,
there's a chance things will be
ok.
So I decided that I would wait. I was
going on bedrest, I was taking
antibiotics, and I was going to wait
and see. I had to promise my husband
that at the first sign of infection, I
would terminate. I needed to be alive
for my two boys.
So we waited.
Three nights later, I knew something
was wrong. I looked at my husband and
said i'm sorry, but I think that this
baby is coming tonight. I knew in my
heart that if my body went into full
labor, that was Gods way of saying
somethings not right.
So that night I went into labor. I
delivered Rose and she was stillborn.
My heart still aches for her. Two
months later I still cry for her. I
was pregnant one day, and a couple of
days later my world was shattered.
However I am able to get out of bed in
the morning because I know in my heart
I did everything possible to try and
save her.
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