I had a Dr's appointment the day after
I PROM'd and was told there was no
amniotic fluid surrounding the baby.
I was devastated, as I never suspected
my membranes had broken. I had had
very heaving bleeding since 11 weeks
and apparently the fluid was mixed
with so much blood it wasn't possible
to tell. The doctors suspect that I
PROM'd the day before my appointment
because of a huge gush of blood I had,
which soaked through two pads.
My doctors did not give me any hope
that my baby would survive. They did
not give me any instructions of what
to do when I got home, except call
them if I developed a fever or went
into labor which they said would
happen within a week. I came home and
immediately started searching the
internet for options. By the grace of
God, I found this group. I read the
stories, ok I admit, mostly just the
positive ones. I was inspired and
encouraged by the stories I read and
was convinced that I could have a
positive outcome too.
I joined this group and put myself on
bedrest and increased my fluid
intake. I read your emails on my cell
phone, I don't have a laptop.
Responding or sending emails from the
cell is very hard, so I settled on
just reading your words. On Friday
4/9, I remember that I had read
somewhere that IV fluids can be
helpful in reaccumulating amniotic
fluid, I called my dr and slightly
stretched the truth about some stomach
issues I was having. The nurse
thought that IV hydration was a great
idea, unfortunately, the doctor did
not. She refused to allow me to come
in. My husband and I visited a local
Emergency Room later that night and I
received 2 liters of fluid. They also
did an ultrasound (at my request) and
we found that the fluid level had
increased from 0 to 3.96cm. I had not
had any leaking of fluid, which was so
encouraging.
Tuesday 4/14 we had an ultrasound
appointment and the fluid had
increased to 4.5 cm. The baby was
looking great and the heartbeat was a
strong 163 beats per minute. We were
so encouraged!
Wednesday 4/15 morning I started
bleeding profusely, I was soaking pads
every 15 minutes and having cramps. I
called the doctors office and was sent
to the Labor and Delivery Department
of the hospital (which was an hour
away from home). I was told they had
no rooms available and put in a
waiting area. They never inquired
into how much I was bleeding, or how
much pain I had. We sat there for 1/2
hour before my mom arrived and raised
hell (sorry). I was immediately put
into a room (funny how it magically
was available!) The nurse and the
residents (it's a teaching hospital)
were awful to me. They kept telling
me that my baby was going to be
deformed, that I should terminate the
pregnancy then and there. I requested
an ultrasound which a resident
performed all the while saying "I'm
not seeing a heartbeat" he repeated
that like 6 times and I kept telling
him I could feel the baby moving. He
finally begrudgingly said "oh there's
a heartbeat" and got up and walked out
of the room. By this time my bleeding
had slowed, but the pain was still
pretty bad. The resident came back in
the room and said "well you have two
options, I can keep you here and do
nothing for you, or I can send you
home" I told him go get my discharge
papers ready, I'm getting dressed.
On Thursday 4/16 I felt pretty good,
until about 7 pm. The bleeding
started again, and so did the pains.
I had diarrhea and attributed the pain
to that. It didn't feel like uterine
pain, as it was in my lower right side
only. I fell asleep that night
praying to God that if he was going to
take my baby, for him to please do it,
as we had gone through 8 weeks of
thinking we were going to lose the
baby already and my mental state was
not really good.
At 3 am on Friday 4/17 morning I woke
up to go to the bathroom and I felt
better, but I also felt like something
was different. I remember the last
thing I thought before I fell back to
sleep was that I didn't feel pregnant
anymore.
At 6:45 am I got up to use the
bathroom again and when I wiped I felt
something. I wiped again and still
felt it. I reached back with my hand
and felt, it was the umbilical cord.
It felt cold, and I knew that this
meant the worst. I started
hyperventilating. My mom lives with
us, and she was still home, so I sent
my older boys downstairs to get her.
I called my dr's office and waited for
a call back...I had to call twice to
get someone to call me back. In the
meantime, I called my husband and told
him to get home as fast as possible.
When the doctor finally called me
back, she advised me to come to the
hospital right away, when I told her
it was rush hour and it would probably
take me 3 hours to get there, she
advised me to go to the nearest
hospital, by ambulance. Once my
husband got home, we called 911 and
within 5 minutes the paramedics
arrived. That was the first time I
have ever been in an ambulance. Their
procedure called for pressure on the
pubic bone to try and take pressure
off of the cord, it was very strange
to have a stranger with their hand up
my "nether regions" for about a 1/2
hour.
When we arrived at the hospital, we
went right to Labor and Delivery (a
different hospital than where I was
Weds.) The nurses were great from the
moment I arrived. The doctor on call
that took care of me was caring,
compassionate and very human from the
start. She performed an ultrasound
and told me that she was very sorry,
but that my baby had passed away. She
told me that since I was not having
any contractions and my cervix was not
dilated at all, that she would start
giving me Pitocin to induce labor. I
have had three c-sections with my
older sons, so there was significant
risk in laboring, but I wanted to at
least try. I received pitocin for 24
hours and never dilated at all.
On Saturday 4/18 I asked the doctor to
please assemble her surgery team so we
could perform the c-section. I was in
excruciating pain, more than I ever
had been in, in my life.
The anesthesiologist came to see me
and informed me that I would be asleep
for the surgery and I said that I
preferred to have a spinal and be
awake. She said ok, since I had
already had spinals 3 other times. I
was in the OR within an hour of making
my decision to have the surgery. I
told the nurses and my doctors that I
wanted to see my baby and wanted to
have a priest baptize and bless the
baby. The surgery started and it was
so quiet. No one talked, I could only
hear the heart monitor (mine) and the
clink of surgical instruments.
Once they took the baby out, the
priest came in and asked if the baby
had a name. I told him that I didn't
know what the baby was, and he said it
was a boy. I cried and told him
Benjamin. He blessed and baptized
Benjamin, then left. I was
disappointed, because I wanted to be
present, but was glad that it was
done, as it was very important to me.
Benjamin Joseph weighed a mere 9
ounces, and was 9 inches long.
Anatomically he was perfect, which was
a huge relief to me, after all of the
warnings of deformation from the
doctors.
I was given a sedative after the
surgery and spent the whole day in a
drug induced stupor. I was not able
to see Benjamin until the next day.
He was beautiful to me, and I marveled
at how perfect he was. I kept him
with me until Sunday afternoon, just
having him in the room was comforting
somehow. The priest came back and
performed the blessing over, as I
really felt that I needed it as part
of my closure.
The staff at the hospital was
absolutely amazing. I thank God that
I ended up at that hospital instead of
the hospital I was originally going to
deliver at.
My husband and I are doing as well as
can be expected, he was an absolute
rock the entire time I was in the
hospital and the same now that I am
home. This tragedy has brought us
closer together. We are now going to
focus on our sons, who are so hurt and
so upset by this. I am praying for
the strength and knowledge to figure
out how to help them through it. I
had a private talk with each of them
today after coming home and there were
a lot of tears, but we also thought of
ways we can remember "BJ" as the boys
have taken to calling him. We are
going to plant a tree at a local park
in his memory, and do a March of Dimes
walk as well. We will make it through
this...because we have to.
Christina
Mommy to Cris 11, Tony 9, Alex 5 and
our Angel Benjamin
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