Though at this moment my wife is
emotionally not yet able to calmly
write her/our story, we both believe
that it somehow is important to get it
posted as fast as possible. Even
though ours was not successful we
somehow hope that it might help
someone either in doing the right
things or in moral support. I do try
to describe everything (and it is a
lot) as it was and would like to warn
that this will probably not be helpful
for everyone.
In June 2007 she was about around
two and a half months pregnant and as
accustomed in Holland we went for a
nuclear translucency test and blood
test to check for "chromosome
problems". As then she was close to 40
years old and the fluid was clearly
much too much behind the fetus neck,
the gynecologist advised us to not
wait for the blood results and do
chorionic villus sampling (CVS) . He
was right as our "boy" was diagnosed
with Eduard syndrom (trisomy 18),
which meant that in the best
cases . . . well, survival changes or
possibility some kind of quality of
existence would be close to zero.
After a considering our options we
decided what seems the best to us and
at 12 weeks she had curettage. Besides
the emotional disaster of "sucking out
of your body" something in which you
invested so much hope, the physical
pain was without borders. The
medicine given two hours before the
curettage caused that the actual fetus
( a boy which by lack of thinking
about names yet ,we called Eduard) was
lost before we could reach the
hospital. I believe this to be not
thoughtful of the doctors, who could
also advise to be there two hours
earlier. Eventually not everything
came out and big blood clogs kept
coming later. Altogether a very hard
period.
In the next year we tried to get
pregnant, but believe that some
imbalance of bacteria was preventing a
success. Though in Holland the doctors
were convinced there was no problem,
in Russia (she is Russian) she was
eventually treated for streptococcus.
Though I do not no if this has any
relevance, it was amazing to see that
Dutch doctors found this exaggerating
while Russian once not. Anyhow, a
exactly year went by until she became
pregnant again in July 2008. Happiness
was kind of very hard as the previous
story was still so present in our
minds. After some consultations with
gynecologist we decided to go for a
CVS immediately, which until the day
of to day we regret. The ultrasounds
taken before showed a healthy kicking
fetus which was quite the contrary of
the scan of Eduard we once took. On
the initial planned date of the CVS a
Candida infection made it impossible
to do it through the vagina and she
got some medicines and were asked to
come back after a few days. Upon
returning, close to the start of week
12, the gynecologist decided that it
was (due to a myoma) anyhow better to
do the CVS though the belly. After
only a few minutes we left the
hospital with the advice to watch for
blood spots and to take it easy for a
few days. Two weeks of impatience
followed by the news that we would get
a "genetically healthy" girl. Never
seen and felt so much happiness.
10 Days later (week 15 plus 4 days) we
were put down on earth again when in
the evening during a phone
conversation she coughed and though to
loose some liquid. She went
downstairs, thinking that is was jus
urine, but after the toilet again some
water followed. No blood, just water.
Worried we went after midnight to the
hospital where de midwife on duty
checked her. She was asked to produce
some water for investigation (which
now, knowing all was lost already,
seems still to me not a correct
procedure for helping to conclude
something), they took some vaginal
material for infection check and
listened to the heart beat with a
Doppler. We left the hospital with the
message that it was not amniotic
fluid. We tried to get an appointment
(ultrasound) anyhow for the next day,
but the hospital refused, as it was
not amniotic fluid. By luck we have
good friend who is gynecologist,
contacted him and drove to there. He
did an ultrasound and could find no
amniotic fluid anymore. After more
gynecologists, ultrasounds etc they
all expressed their bad prognosis and
suspected some relation between the
CVS and the rupture. We asked for all
there is to do and told that she would
even be willing to stand on her head
for some months if this would increase
the chances. All doctors told that bed
rest would not do much at this stage
and that we just had to wait and see.
Layman as we are we turned to find all
we could on the Internet, found your
site and decided to do as much as we
could. She stayed in the bed, drunk
more (never could made the amounts as
mentioned) and she eat healthy. A week
later an extensive scan showed hardly
any water but all organs etc in
perfect order and size. We started to
get a bit of hope that maybe we could
make it to week 25-30 and still some
chance was there!
Nevertheless in week 17 we found that
a small part of the umbilical cord
came out and went to the hospital. An
ultrasound confirmed that our little
girl had died. The labor was induced
and after painful contractions, a lot
of blood loss our Anna was born at
four in the morning. The placenta was
not following an around 10 in the
morning a curettage was performed.
This, for our feeling, was not correct
(probably the doctor was not willing
to do it during the night) and the
late time caused my wife to loose much
more blood than needed. A small
perfect girl, with indeed already some
characteristics from us, was born and
a few days ago we cremated her.
And now, we are left with the scarves
that will have to heal. Although I
have no doubt that we will both get
through this, still we struggle with
the feeling of being so unlucky,
our "mistake of doing the CVS", why
us, how to do better for a hopeful
next time etc. We are sure that our
world will never be the same again,
but hope to find out that it will only
get better.
|
|