A friend I barely knew gave me the link
to this website because she had gone
through a similar thing herself. It
gave me so much hope and gave me the
determination to go as long as I
could.
I had a very difficult early pregnancy
with very bad morning sickness. I
looked forward to reaching 12 weeks
because in my previous pregnancy that is
when it abated. However, a few days
before my 12 week scan I began to bleed
heavily. The scan showed the baby was
fine and there were no real concerns. I
continued to be sick and to bleed over
the next four weeks, but the heartbeat
was always strong. A few days before I
was 16 weeks I passed two huge clots.
Again, the scan showed the baby was fine
and I stopped bleeding, though I still
had a lot of discharge. I went to my
midwife for my 16 week appointment
expecting everything was going to be
okay, but when she felt my uterus she
said it felt too small for 16 weeks.
She was concerned I was losing fluid. I
didn't ever feel a gush of fluid, and
since I had been wearing pads anyway I
never felt wet. The scan this time
showed that all my waters had gone.
The doctors advised we terminate and I
think I cried more about having to make
that decision than anything else. We
decided we couldn't possibly terminate
if there was even the smallest bit of
hope. People all across the world
prayed for her and I never gave up hope
that she could survive.
Our little one held on for a long time.
The doctors predicted by the end of the
week she would come, but she held on for
two months. I was still feeling unwell,
so I spent as much time in bed as I
could with my four year old daughter
running around. A few days after she
was 24 weeks old, I started to bleed
again. I had a few mild contractions
that got harder and stronger as the
night went on. I slept through most of
them, so I thought I could make it
through the night. The contractions
stopped at 3:45 and I started feeling
kicks on my pelvic floor. When I stood
up to go to the bathroom I felt a lot of
pressure and when I reached down I felt
a little foot. Both legs came out
kicking while my husband called the
ambulance. The ambulance crew and the
midwife arrived very quickly and the
midwife delivered the baby's head. She
came out kicking and she moved her head
and opened her mouth twice. She held on
for ten full minutes before she left us.
We named her Poppy for remembrance.
She was so so beautiful when she was
born. She was not bruised at all and
perfectly formed. Later that day I got
to give her a bath. It was such a joy
to let her float in the waters I was
unable to provide for her. Even though
the two months after prom were so
difficult I am so glad I made the
decision to keep going. I got to feel
her moving and kicking and I really felt
connected with her. It was very helpful
to us to be able to register her birth
because it somehow made our sorrow more
real. We all love her and miss her so
much.
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