Hi, I’m Michelle and I guess my story is
very similar to many of the others I’ve
read on the site. We found out we were
pregnant in June and were so excited.
Then I experienced 5 bleeding episodes
during the first trimester - starting
from week 6. It was heavy bleeding,
enough to soak through clothes and
appeared to contain tissue. The first
time it happened I was certain I had
miscarried. I went to the Dr, had an
U/S and the baby was still there. Then
the bleeding happened again, and again…
And each time the baby was still
hanging in there. The worst part for us
was that no-one, including my
specialist, could tell us why the
bleeding was happening or where it was
coming from. The highs and lows of that
first 12 weeks were incredible -
bleeding, thinking I'd miscarried - and
then discovering that the baby was still
alive.
At 12 weeks had the nuchal scan and
maternal serum test and everything about
the baby looked perfect. I was bleed
free from 11 weeks and by the end of the
17th week we were starting to feel like
we were actually going to have a baby –
although we still didn’t buy anything.
Then on the Monday morning I got up late
to go to work as I hadn’t slept well the
night before – and now after reading
this website I wonder if maybe I’d been
having contractions as I think my back
was quite sore… When I stood up to have
a shower there was clear fluid
everywhere. I rang my midwife and she
said “Oh dear” and that was the start of
the nightmare.
My husband took me to the Acute Gynae
ward at our local hospital. They did
some tests and an U/S and advised me
that there was less than 1 cm of fluid
around the baby and that I should
terminate as the prognosis was so bad.
They talked a lot about deformities
which basically put my DH into a spin.
They mentioned that I was likely to go
into labour and so I said I would like
to wait and go into labour naturally as
couldn’t handle the thought of being the
one to choose to terminate that little
heartbeat. They said in some cases, and
it would take a miracle, labour doesn’t
start and the fluid builds up again. I
thought that just maybe I would be the
one to get a miracle and the fluid would
replenish. The next week was horrible –
I was at home on self imposed bed rest
(since they never even told me that I
should rest!!! ) but there was fluid
leaking constantly so I kind of knew my
miracle wasn’t going to happen. I look
back and think of all the times I walked
to the kitchen etc and the guilt is
overpowering – I wish I had known about
this website. I wish they had been more
proactive…
On the following Tuesday we had a
follow-up appt at the hospital and the
first thing they did was an U/S which
showed my baby’s heart still beating,
but even less fluid than the previous
week. I went into shock I guess – it’s
all a bit of a muddle. The consultant
at the hospital was so strong on the
negatives that my husband wanted to
terminate. I couldn’t handle another
week like the last one so agreed. They
gave me a pill to start the process and
sent me home – due to come back on the
Thursday for the rest of the induction
process. At about 3am on the Thursday
morning I woke up with what felt like
bad back pain and since I had no idea
what contractions were like I just
didn’t realise that I was in labour. So
I went to the hospital at 8am –
mentioned I’d been having some pain
during the night but they must’ve just
ignored that part because they didn’t
check me, they just commenced the rest
of the process.
The next part, looking back, I can
almost laugh about. They’d put 4 pills
inside me and told me that the process
would take 6-18 hours, and that in 20-30
minutes I might start feeling shivery
and hot and cold. Well, within 30
minutes I was rolling around on the bed
thinking I was seriously dying. I had
no idea that I was actually having full
blown contractions, probably 30 seconds
apart. My DH looked at me and said “Do
you need some pain relief?” and I said
“YES!!!” I could tell he was thinking
“My god, this is going to be a long 18
hours” and even I had started to wonder
if the migraines I have are actually
just bad headaches for other people! ;)
It seriously just felt like back pain,
and maybe needing to go to the toilet
for number 2’s! And since the nurse
wasn’t with us in the room there was no
one to actually evaluate what was
happening and tell me I was in labour.
She came in after DH found her and said
“I’ll give you some Pethadine – it’ll
kick in within about 10 minutes”. I was
thinking “I can’t HANDLE 10 MINUTES!!!”
I told her I could feel something
between my legs and she looked at me as
if I was dreaming, but she looked under
the cover and said “Oh.”. I had already
crowned. My beautiful baby girl was
stillborn about 50 minutes after they’d
given me the pills and they told me it
was the fastest they’d ever seen. I
knew then that I’d actually gone into
labour at 3am so now I try to think, to
stop some of the guilt, that she was
going to come anyway and the pill I took
on Tuesday just hastened the process.
We didn’t have a name picked for a wee
girl – we’d only just managed to agree
on a boy’s name so we stuck with the
name we’d given the baby right from that
first scan at 6 weeks = Peanut. I feel
a bit guilty about not giving her a
proper name after having come to the
site, but I didn’t just want to pick a
name out of a hat. She was Peanut to us
– and I think it suits her perfectly –
she was cute as a button. I love her
with all my heart and I picture her
lying under a tree with Clyde, our
gorgeous dog who passed away at 17
months. Love you forever Peanut xxx
And loads of love to everyone in this
forum.
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