I'm 36 and my second pregnancy was
progressing relatively well with some
spotting early in the first trimester.
I also had pelvic pressure but my
doctor told me that that was normal
since it was my second pregnancy. I
found out during my 12th week
ultrasound that I was having a boy. I
was so excited because we already have
a little girl (3 years) and a little
baby boy will make our family so
complete. I know having a boy is
pretty important to my husband even
though he denies it. I was loving the
idea of raising a mini version of him.
I looked forward to seeing my husband
do father & son things with our little
baby boy in the future.
Well, my bleeding/spotting came back
in my 18th weeks of pregnancy and I
thought nothing of it. My OBGYN
checked my cervix and said everything
was fine and not to worry unless I had
heavy bleeding. Once again, I was not
concern because my doctor said that
everything looked good. The following
week I was checked by my OBGYN and she
told me that I may have a bladder
infection and that might have caused
some of my discomforts. She also said
that the bottom part of my cervix was
opened 1 CM but the inside part of the
cervix was closed (a cervix is shaped
like a cylinder, as long as the inside
is closed, labor will not occur). She
gave me a prescription for antibiotics
and sent me home.
I was into my 20th week of pregnancy
when my PPROM started. I was watching
late Saturday night when I felt 2
gushes of fluid being released. I
looked at the pad it it looked like
pinkish liquid. I thought it was urine
and it was due to my bladder
infection. Once again, I thought
nothing of it. Since it was a Sat.
night/ Sunday morning, I didn't want
to disturb my OBGYN especially since I
was seeing her in a few days anyway. I
know, I know, looking back at it, I
was so stupid, I just assumed that
that was symptoms of a bladder
infection. I went about with my
everyday chores; taking my daughter to
school and then to the YMCA. All that
time I was losing amniotic fluid. My
body was slowing killing my baby. I'm
so guilt ridden from what I know
now.
When I did see my OBGYN she was
concerned to see my fluid loss and to
find a walnut-sized blood clot in my
uterus that she sent me to my
parinatologist that very day. She did
say that the baby was at a good size,
a strong heartbeat and was moving
around. It still didn't occur to me
that my pregnancy was at jeopardy.
When I saw my my parinatologist later
in the day, she confirmed the worst. I
had lost almost all my amniotic fluid
and there was very little left. She
thinks that I might have a tear in my
uterus. She called my OBGYN and I was
sent home to rest. I had a 5% chance
that the tear would seal. I fooled
myself in thinking that I will fall
into that 5% category and that my baby
will be fine.
My husband and I picked up more
medicine, went home and I went to bed
to rest. Around 9:30 PM that night I
started to feel contractions. I try to
will them away. Eventually I couldn't
handle the pain and my husband drove
me to the ER along with our daughter
around 10:15 PM. Once at Labor &
Delivery the nurse checked my cervix
and told me that she can feel my
baby's foot. It wasn't until then that
I realized that there was no saving my
baby. They inserted an IV in my arm
and gave me a drug to dull the pain.
My OBGYN arrived soon afterward and I
went into active labor. I was partly
delirious from the drug and when my
doctor told me to push I told
her 'no', I wanted to keep him inside
of me, to try to save him. I delivered
my baby boy at 12:06 AM in the
morning. I remember hearing the nurse
asking my husband if there was a name
for him. He named our baby boy
Spencer. They asked me if I wanted to
hold him and I said no because it
would hurt to much to see him so
premature and so small. I had a D & C
right afterward.
It's been a full week since I lost my
baby boy and I don't know how to deal
and cope. I wanted so badly to die
along with my baby but the only saving
grace was the fact that my young
daughter still needs me. I cry all the
time and I can't help but think that
the miscarriage was due to something
that I did. My husband and I talked
about trying to have another baby
again in 3 months but I don't want to
go through another PPROM experience.
It seems like once a woman experience
a PPROM incident during a pregnancy,
she will go through another PPROM
experience with the next pregnancy.
I'm so scared to loose another baby. I
really need some answers. I'm seeing
my OBGYN next week for my 2 weeks
check-up and hopefully she can give me
some answers from all the bloodwork
that they did after my miscarriage.
I'm so scared to try for another
pregnancy. I'm doubting my body, my
state of mind, my doctor. I miss my
little Spencer.
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