Nick and I decided in April 2006 that
it was the right time to start trying
for a family. We've been together for
a long time and married in November
2005. Well, had we known our odds, we
might have played the lottery that
day. Just a few weeks later, I felt
awful. A friend of mine asked if I
could be pregnant, and I told them
there was ONE chance. We found out on
April 27, 2006 that I was
expecting.
I consider myself to be pretty
healthy - prior to conceiving I was
doing yoga 2x per week and working out
with a trainer 2x a week as well. So
I am aware of what's happening with my
body as well. I knew something wasn't
quite right when I developed SEVERE
constipation - nothing relieved it.
We went to the ER on May 1, 2006. The
doctors there did a blood test and my
HCG was 2400 - because of the level,
they felt that they needed to do an
U/S and were sure that they would see
the baby in my uterus. Prior to be
taken to radiology, I was catheterized
(without any sedation - OUCH!). I
know that this isn't normal procedure
but it didn't occur to me that
something might be wrong. I'm not
sure why - maybe b/c this was my first
pregnancy and I was still in
shock/elation/bliss after finding out
that we were expecting.
During the U/S, I kept asking
Nick, "why is she pointing to my
ovaries?" The technician tried to
tell me that that was normal
procedure - they always looked at the
entire reproductive system. Well,
when the docs looked at the U/S they
said that they were "75% sure that it
is ectopic." They were so convincing
that Nick and I elected exploratory
laparascopic surgery - if it was
ectopic, we hoped to save the tube and
conceive successfully in the future.
After surgery, I was told that the
large mass that they saw was a corpus
luteum, which supports the pregnancy.
I guess it didn't occur to the docs
that there was another reason why they
couldn't see the baby in the uterus -
my HCG was so high (2400) that they
expected to see something in there.
I asked Nick, "what if it's twins -
that could be why it's so high and
they couldn't see it." We went on
Friday for another blood test and it
had doubled (4800 at only 4 weeks 5
weeks). The lady at the lab
said, "congratulations, you're still
pregnant!" I was worried sick about
whether or not I was going to
miscarry, since the docs were SO sure
and had told me that 1 of 3 things
could be happening. 1) I had already
miscarried and didn't know it. 2) I
was in the process of miscarrying. 3)
A slim chance that I was still
pregnant.
Well, at our appt. on May 10, 2006 we
learned that we could be expecting
twins (6 weeks along). The U/S showed
two sacs, but the OB said we'd have to
wait another 4 weeks to see what
exactly was going on in there. Many
times, there can be a 'blighted ovum'
or 'vanishing twin' so another U/S
would confirm what was going on.
On Thursday, June 1, 2006 I had
another U/S (9 weeks along). Sure
enough, there were 2 sacs - with 2
babies. We were expecting TWINS! As
you can imagine, we were excited,
nervous, and very happy! Everything
with my pregnancy progressed well,
though I did complain of heaviness in
my abdomen to my OB on several
occasions. He OK'd my continuing to
work out - 2x per week on a modified
routine with my trainer, and I even
golfed on a league once a week with
Nick - though at the midway point in
July I decided I couldn't walk the 9
holes anymore and we started getting a
power cart.
Everything seemed fine, until just
before 9pm on August 16. I had just
gotten home from having dinner out and
had changed into my PJs. I went to
the bathroom, and had a sharp pain,
like a cramp. I thought it was those
darned gas pains again. Then I heard
a pop and felt a gush. My water had
broke! We called 911 and were taken
by ambulance to the hospital with the
NICU that my OB was affiliated with.
Unfortunately, we were not happy with
the care that we received. We were
told, after waiting over 3+ hours in
the Maternity Triage, with little
care, to go home - there was nothing
that could be done given the gestation
age of my babies. Who knows if that
made the difference?
The next day we went to see my OB. He
too, told us the outlook was grim and
recommended termination. I told
him, "No. That's not an option for
us." He said, "you really need to
listen to what you're facing." When I
felt the babies really kick (for the
first time, no less), I said "NO, NO,
NO! - you need to listen to us!" I
figured it was a sign that they wanted
to live.
My sister (whom had 2 high-risk
pregnancies) pulled some strings and
she got her OB/Gyn to recommend/refer
us to some high risk specialists. They
did and we immediately drove the hour
to the other Medical Facility.
The medical staff immediately did an
U/S, and found that baby A had lost
most of the fluid. It could possibly
be replaced a little at a time, but
not completely, as my membranes had
completely ruptured. We didn't think
little Baby A was going to make it.
The outlook for baby B was better -
our sacs were separate so we thought
we may have a CHANCE to deliver baby A
and keep baby B safe - at least the
hope was to keep her in there until at
LEAST 24 weeks, where we'd have a
better chance. Still, the outlook was
not good but at least the doctors were
willing to do all they could. We
learned on August 17, 2006 that baby B
was a little girl!
The docs admitted me right away. In
fact, one of the things that he said
that surprised us (but not really, I
guess) was, "I can't believe they sent
you home." Meaning the other
hospital. He explained it by saying
that I basically had an open wound and
he couldn't believe the other facility
would send me home knowing that I
would probably get an infection. He
just kept saying how he couldn't
believe it. By 5pm, I still hadn't
gotten my IV with my antibiotics, and
I remember him asking the nurses, "I
didn't know that we had to go all the
way to China to get her an IV". This
pleased me...he was at least willing
to try.
Unfortunately, I experienced more
complications with baby A (a prolapsed
cord), and her strong heartbeat
steadily slowed to a stop on Friday
morning, 08/18, though I didn't
deliver her until Sunday, 08/20/06.
We named her Angelina Nicole, for she
was born sleeping, and she is our
first born (so we named her after
Nick). Unfortunately, I didn't
deliver her placenta, which meant more
risk to baby B and me - a very high
chance for infection.
The infection did set in, quite
quickly, despite my best efforts to
fight it. Within 16 hours of
delivering Angelina, Nick and I made a
decision to save my life and our
chance for a family and future. Nick
told me that he didn't want to lose me
and his girls. It was the MOST
DIFFICULT decision that I have ever
had and hope I'll ever have to
make.'
Because we already had Angelina with
us, I chose to induce labor with whom
we could have a proper burial. Baby
B - whom we named Gabriella Marie
(Gram's middle name and after my
middle name, Maria), was delivered on
08/21/06 at 8:16am. She was a fighter,
and she survived for over 4 hours.
We're not sure how.
The social worker at Hurley gave us
the names of some funeral homes, and I
immediately chose to work with Keehn,
in Brighton. They contacted St. Pat's
for us (who graciously donated the
girls' grave at no charge). The
service was held at St. Pat's on
Friday, August 25. Shortly after, we
made a temporary sign for their grave,
and I put out a shepherd's hook with
some windchimes. We miss them
terribly, and think of them often, as
you can imagine.
ASIDE:
I want people to know that it's ok to
talk about our babies. They will
always be our babies, dead or alive.
They will always be our first and
second born. When people ask, "do you
have kids?" I say, "yes, twin girls
that live in Heaven." Please don't be
afraid to talk about them. Don't be
afraid to ask questions about them.
And please, don't worry if I cry a
little when we do talk about them, or
if I think about them. It's quite
normal and will happen for many, many
years to come. It doesn't upset me to
talk about them; it upsets me to
pretend this didn't happen.
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