My husband Jacob & I started trying to
get pg in Oct. 2003, just a few months
after our July wedding. We wanted to
start right away since I had problems
four years earlier with
Endrometriosis. We did not have any
luck and in the April I had my annual
appointment with my ob. He instructed
us to have Jacob's sperm count checked
to see how it looked. After a few
samples were provided, it turned out
that he didn't have any (maybe one
every so often, but not enough to get
me pg). Our choices were to be
childless, adopt, or donor sperm. We
chose to do the donor program, we
figured it would be better than
nothing to have the baby be
biologically one of ours. We had to
go thru the fertility clinic since I
would have to be inseminated. I
started testing my urine for ovulation
and for four months I got positive
results but I wasn't getting
pregnant. Finally the fertility clinc
tested my hormone levels and they came
out negative for ovulation. The next
month I went on Chlomid and that
didn't work either. Our health
insurance is great, they offer
infertility benefits, so we decided to
go to the shots (we wanted better
odds). Two weeks after the
insemination we found out I was
actually pg! Not only was I pg, we
were going to have twins. We were so
excited, we told all family and
friends (since they knew we were
trying). We only wanted two children,
and we thought this was great, get
them both at once. Well the beginning
of the pregnancy was really hard, I
was put on bed rest and part time work
due to spotting and passing blood
clots. Everything was always great
though when we went to the doctor,
they had no concerns as it can be
normal to spot during the
pregnancy.
Just over 17 weeks, I was leaving work
and I felt this gush. I went to the
bathroom thinking I had started to
bleed again but it was clear. I
called the nurse at the doctors office
and she said that if my water had
broke I would have known and that I
probably just had really heavy
discharge. I took her word for it
since this was my first pregnancy and
I didn't know anything. At about 19
weeks I stopped feeling them move so I
went to the doctor to be checked out.
The doctor was in surgery that morning
but the nurse hooked me up to the
fetal monitor. Everything sounded
great, and since I was going in for my
ultra sound the next day I thought it
would be ok. After the ultra sound I
was told to call my doctor as soon as
I got home (they do the ultra sounds
at the hospital). The doctor informed
me that my fluids were low and that he
wanted me to see a Perionatologist the
next day. So we went....the doctor
did an exam and swabbed to check for
amniotic fluid. Our worst fears were
coming true, that is was amniotic
fluid. He checked my cervix which was
completely closed tight, which he felt
was odd. I should have been dialating
since I had been leaking for a few
weeks at that point. The doctor
informed us at that point that each
baby only had about a teaspoon of
fluid in each sac which would have
made no lung development at all since
that is what builds their lungs. The
doctor told us that I had an infection
that made my membranes rupture. My
cervix was closed tight and it was of
normal length, so the only answer was
an infection.
Next we were given our choices of what
we could do. I could carry them as
far as I could and deliver them (we
were give the odds of them living
which was only 5%), or I could choose
to do a D&E which is less painless
physically & emotionally. We chose to
do the D&E, I could not handle
everything as it was. I had a really
hard time being pregnant and not
feeling them move, so I knew I could
not continue to carry them.
They were delivered on November 18,
2005 while I was asleep on the table.
We never did learn of their sex, we
did not want to know. I could not
handle knowing, as this was hard as it
was. They are our two angels (baby A
& baby B) watching over us now. It's
been three weeks since I had the
procedure and I still can't keep it
together. I can't stop thinking about
it all the time, how this all had
actually happened. We are going to
try again early next year, I hope. I
just hope everything goes ok next
time, as I could not handle another
outcome like this again. We know some
day we will see our babies again, and
until then we will never forget them.
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