Tuesday 15th March I came home from
water aerobics and decided to do a HPT,
it was a faint positive. So I went to
a doctor the next day but it came up
negative. Come Friday 18th I had so
many symptoms so I bought 2 sensitive
tests at the supermarket and they both
came up positive straight away. I took
myself off to get a blood test the next
day (Saturday). That night we had close
friends engagement party. On the way
home the next morning we stopped at the
doctors and I was told that it was
positive by the receptionist (who was
pregnant). Finally after 12 months we
had the result we had been waiting for.
I also had an appointment in Melbourne
to look into Poly Cystic Ovarian
Syndrome, but I rang and cancelled it on
Monday.
At 6 weeks I had a bleed and went to
casualty thinking it was all over. They
did an ultrasound and we saw our tiny
little peanut with a heart beat.
Then at 11 weeks I had another bleed and
went in again and had an internal to
make sure my cervix was closed (it
was)…it’s was very painful as the woman
was a new doctor. Between her and a
registrar they tried to get baby on a
portable ultrasound machine but
couldn’t. Next minute an older male
doctor comes in with his entourage
and does the scan. There baby was
jumping around and arms were going
everywhere.
Looking back now I wish I had of got a
print out.
For the first 3 months I was very
nauseous but only threw up twice but
felt the need constantly. We bought a
boat and I spent nearly all my pregnancy
out fishing.
Then at around 3 months I started to
throw up. I know see it must have been
a sign.
My waters broke on Friday 10th while
watching a DVD with DD. At the hospital
they did an ultrasound and it showed
baby's heart beating but not enough
amniotic fluid. At this stage I was
bleeding as well and DP came from work
to the hsopital.
We had a great midwife who prepared us
for what was going to happen, what the
baby would look like and what our
options were for afterwards. On
Saturday 11th June, I woke DP early
because I was worried about a parking
fine and I needed some stuff from home.
He went home and rang a few people and
had a shower. I went to the toilet at
about 10am and felt something coming
out. The midwife checked and it was her
little foot. I had started to get some
hope that she would be ok because the
bleeding had stopped. I can see now it
stopped because she was blocking the
path. The doctor came in and rang DP to
come back.
I was a complete mess and didn't want to
push her out and wasn't having any urge
to either.
In the end I looked at DP and said I’m
just going to have to do this aren't I
darl. With every push my heart broke
and I could feel her little shoulders
and head come out.
The midwife had to cut the cord and make
sure it didn't go back inside me, in
this time her little heart stopped
beating. She wrapped her and put her on
my chest. She was about 20cm long, had
tiny everything-feet, hands, toes and he
even had fingernails. One of her big
toes was sticking up in the air. The
doctor looked at her to confirm the
gender and said it’s a boy. So for the
next month we named our baby Kyle
Joshua, thinking she was a he. But
babies so young can have a large
clitoris if a girl, which was the case.
We were also told that they would have
to cut her open to be sure. I said to
her that I think she is downs syndrome
and she said that the distance of his
eyes is normal for a 17 gestation baby
but he has thick neck and his ears are
lower. The midwife wrapped her in a
little blanket and put her in a sleeping
bag that some church people make for
this kind of thing. She also gave us a
box that we could bury or cremate her
in.
We both held her and just were so amazed
at the miracle of her. I ended up
having to have a D & C as the placenta
was stuck. I was in so much pain
afterwards, physical and emotionally.
I spent that night alone and woke in
tears.
As she was under 20 weeks gestation we
didn't have to have a burial but we
couldn't imagine pathology taking her
and burning her with all the hospital
waste. We decided to have her cremated
and pathology would pick her up on
Sunday and bring her back Tuesday so
that we could pick her up for cremation.
We had her genetic tested for Down
syndrome.
I was so scared that they wouldn't bring
her back.
We picked our daughter up and after DD
was finished at school, the three of us
took her out to the cremetorium. We
picked her ashes up the next day.
It has now been 10 weeks since we lost
Catharine. We have organised a plague
at the local cemetery with some of her
ashes there. We will have a small
informal memorial for her. I wanted to
do this because I think we rushed
decisions that we were not in the right
mind to make.
I am in the process of looking into any
reasons it could have been. Tests taken
came back Strep B and CMV but they can't
say if either was the cause of my waters
breaking.
Thank-you for reading my story.
Erica
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