I hope this story helps someone out
there.
This was my first pregnancy, I was
38 years old. Everything was going
perfectly. NO morning sickness, no
problems at all except for some back
pain, but, I stand all day at work so, I
just assumed that was causing my back
ache. At my checkup, I was concerned
about some little pains I was having in
my lower abdomen, I was quickly assured
that those were just round ligament
pains and nothing to worry about. I
thought it was a bit early to have those
but, since I'd never been pregnant
before I just believed what I was told.
On June 8, 2004 I was at work when
I felt the first pain. I remember
thinking what the .... was that? But,
it stopped. I figured it was just the
baby moving around, on our sonogram she
was doing a whole lot of moving around
and now she was bigger so I smiled and
went on about my day. I had that same
funny little pain a few more times that
day. It was uncomfortable but, not
painful enough to cause alarm and there
was no pattern, just random pains.
Honestly, I thought it was bad gas pain.
That night, my back really hurt a
lot. I asked my DH to give me a
backrub. I could still sort of lay on
my stomach, so as I tried to roll over,
my back hurt so bad I could barely roll.
I did lie on my tummy/side and he
started to massage my back, then I felt
something wet. I laid perfectly still
for a moment, I remember saying "what
was that". I jumped up and went to the
bathroom, thinking I was bleeding. When
I looked, there was no blood. I was so
relieved. There was nothing coming out.
I got back in bed and told my husband
what was happening. As I lie perfectly
still in bed my mind was racing,
thinking God please let everything be
OK. I finally dozed off, I rolled over
to my side and I felt something again.
I jumped up grabbed the cordless phone
and ran to the bathroom. When I called,
the Nurse practioner who was on call
tried to tell me that it was just
discharge. At this point it was running
down the insides of my thighs. I
insisted that it was more than that,and
she told me to go ahead to the hospital
to be "checked out". When I got to the
hospital, I was given a sonogram. My
baby was very much alive, in fact it was
in there doing what looked like sit-ups.
We laughed so hard. It's little heart
was just beating away. Then, I was
examined and give the grim news that I
was definetly ruptured and that there
was nothing they could do. I couldn't
believe what I was hearing. The nurses
stood around me looking sad and shaking
their heads. Then they left my husband
and I in a room alone. He didn't get
anything they said. So, here I was
trying to process what I had just been
told. Then, I had to explain it all to
him. He just acted like they didn't
know what they were talking about. I
found myself angry with him for being so
dense. Now I guess that was just his
way of dealing with the bad news. He
kept telling me to just wait for the Dr.
That she would know what to do. The Dr.
wasn't coming untill the next morning. I
wanted to just scream at him, because we
were being asked to make decisons about
being induced, about seeing the baby,
the baby's remains, naming the baby,
having a ceremony etc. I needed him to
deal with this realistically. I had to
deal with all of this alone, as well as
make all the decisons without his input.
He kept telling me to wait for the DR.
He wouldn't give many input until the
Dr. got there and told us what was
happening.
Our Dr. didn't bother to get to my
room until about noon the next day.
(BTW, she no longer my Dr.) She gave us
the bad news. Gave us the option to
wait for my body to go into labor
naturally, or to induce or to just wait
it out and see what happens over the
next few days. My Mom and I decided it
was best to go ahead and induce, since
the Dr. told me I had a 100% chance of
infection and that could affect my
fertility in the future and that my baby
had less than a 5% chance of survival.
I was induced and my baby was delivered
the next morning. Intially we were told
that the baby was a boy. The nurse
brought our baby in dressed in tiny
little clothes and all wrapped up in a
tiny little balnket. We named him
Nicholas. We had a pastor come in and
had a naming ceremony/baptism for our
little baby. We had pictures taken I
held the baby and just cried, I was so
angry with God. This baby was perfect.
No one had any answers, there was no
infection, nothing to indicate that
there was a problem. I was devastated.
5 wks later at my postpartum check-up we
got the news that we could try again,
and that chromosomally our baby was a
perfectly normal little GIRL! OMG! I
can't believe it I have named this child
a boy's name had momentos engraved and
told everyone it was a boy. This may
seem small to everyone else, but to us
this was major. I felt like I was
mouring the loss of another baby. It
was a horrible time in my life.
Since then I've been trying to make
sese of this whole thing. Still looking
for answers. There are none. The Dr.
doesn't know why it happened.
Gina
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