|
We were shocked around New Year's Eve
to find out we were pregnant with our
3rd child. Nevertheless, we were
excited to be welcoming that baby into
our lives. I went skiing February 14,
2004 at 14 weeks (dumb, I know). I feel
5 feet off of a ski lift flat on my
face. I felt a gush of fluid between my
legs as I lie there in the snow. A
nurse tried to convince me that I
just "peed" my pants, but I knew
better. The ER doctor did nothing but
make sure the baby still had a
heartbeat (he did). No ultrasound,
nothing. In March, after some routine
blood tests, my AFP value came back
odd. They did an ultrasound to rule out
neural tube defects. That's when they
found PROM. Saw a specialist March 31.
She offered to terminate the pregnancy,
but my husband & I wasted no time
telling her no. April 8, my AFI levels
were still dangerously low (2.5 cm).
April 18, I was admitted to the
hospital. April 27, 2004 I went in to
labor and 15 hours later, delivered our
beautiful baby boy, Justin. At 24.2
weeks, he weighed 1 lb, 7.8 oz and was
12 1/2 in. long. Drs were optimistic as
his Apgar scores were 3, 6, and 6, he
was pink, and moving. After some tense
time in the NICU, (they couldn't get
the surfactant to stay down or get the
venilator to work), they did an x-ray
and discovered Justin has pulmonary
hypoplasia (small lung growth)...he
lungs stopped developing at about 18
weeks. They quit trying to save him and
he died in our arms at 2 hours old. We
buried him April 30 after a beautiful
funeral Mass. I feel guilty.....I feel
like I caused all of this pain. I feel
like I caused Justin to lose his
battle. It's hard to believe that this
weekend marks 1 year since the ski
accident. In 2 1/2 months, we will
remember Justin's birthday. I miss him
so much.
|
|
