My story is bittersweet. I was
pregnant with twins. My daughter lived
and is thriving. My son was not so
fortunate and died in my arms after
six days. Here is my story.
I had developed a blood clot on Baby
A, my son, around week 18. It was
slowly being reabsorbed by the
placenta, but at week 21, the blood
clot punctured my son's membrane. It
was a gush and almost all my water was
gone. My daughter, Baby B, had her own
sack and was not affected.
I was told to go home and decide if I
wantd to continue the pregnancy. If I
made it to 24 weeks, they would
hospitalize me. I was overcome with
grief and terribly depressed. Not
knowing who or what to believe, I
consulted with two other physicians in
different hospitals. All provided the
same counsel. The chances of my son
living was less than 5 percent If I
made it to 30 weeks, my daughter had a
good chance of normal development.
I stayed with the pregnancy and was
hospitalized at 24 weeks. My son never
regained his fluids, although he was
alive with a good solid heartbeat, and
he had curled up in a ball and was
taking less space in the womb. My
daughter, on the other hand, was
growing quickly and making up for her
brother's retrenchment.
All seemed to be going well and I was
almost to my 27th week when my son got
an infection. This threw me into
labor. In PROM, the standard of care
is not to inhibit labor, since an
infection in the womb can cause harm
to the fetus and be fatal to the
mother.
My son, Aaron, was born weighing 1 lb,
13 ounces. My daughter was born
weighing 2 lbs. Aaron was a very sick
baby from the beginning. He had a
level-4 brain bleed and an infection
in his blood. It is very hard to let
go of a child. Especially your first
born. I was barely a mother, and I was
doing the unthinkable, seeing my child
die. The only peace I have from that
time is knowing my son died in my
arms, with his mommy who loved him so
very much.
My daughter, Rachel, is doing
amazingly well. She did spend 11 weeks
in the intensive care nursery. Now, at
13 months, you would never know this
girl was a preemie except for her
petite size. Rachel is the love of my
life and the most beautiful engaging
and sweet baby.
I have left alot out of my story. If
you want to know the deeper tale
between the lines, or need to have
hope, or someone to feel the pain of
your story, feel free to write. I have
been through so very much and I tried
to do it with as much grace and
humanness that my heart could give. I
wish you the same.
Carol
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