Today is Jan. 3rd, 2005. I was due to
deliver on Jan. 1st, 2005... but sadly
things did not go that way. Jason and
I would like to share our story of our
angel daughter Devon Michelle.
It happened while I was at work on
Wednesday August 4th. I was 18wks and
5 days pregnant. It was obvious to me
what happened since I felt a pop and a
gush. I drove straight to my OB's
office and was wheeled over to the
hospital where it was confirmed that
my water had broken. I was sent home
with antibiotics and an appointment
with a specialist the next day. I was
so shocked ... I couldn't believe I
was being sent home. I thought I was
going to be losing the baby that night
if they didn't try to stop it.
The next day, we had an ultrasound and
met with the specialist. He started
explaining that I would probably go
into labor very soon. If I didn't... I
would most likely develop an infection
that would mean we would have to
induce to save my life. He said the
best thing for my health would be to
just induce now before I get an
infection. He said that even if I
could somehow carry this baby full
term, the lungs would still not
develop correctly because of the lack
of fluid in there. He then gave me the
only option I could live with at the
time ... go home and wait for my labor
to start naturally while considering
termination.
I literally cried the entire 2-hour
drive home. I spent that weekend
grieving... I didn't realize there was
even a remote possibility this baby
would make it. Then the next week, I
researched on the net and found that
sometimes there is some hope. I read
that 90% of the women who have this
premature rupture of membranes go into
labor within 2 weeks. But the ones who
can hold on have some hope with the
steroid shots they can give now to
help develop the lungs if you can keep
the baby in until 23 weeks (the point
at which the baby is considered
viable). I read that at that point,
most drs will put the mother in the
hospital and will do everything
medically possible to save the baby.
But those babies spend months in
intensive care. I read that I had a 1%
chance of having a healthy baby.
The 2 weeks came and went. We had this
huge decision hanging over our heads.
We knew that most people thought we
should terminate for my health. We had
been told that a uterine infection
could put my life at risk. We also
knew that we were risking having a
very sick premature baby who would
suffer greatly. We went back and forth
and at one point even gave the dr the
ok to start the process with the
ethics committee to induce labor on a
non-viable baby. But when it came down
to it, I couldn't make the appointment
to terminate. I had to try and save my
baby. When I would see that little
heart beating on ultrasound and then
hear it on the Doppler... I felt like
I was dying inside knowing that I was
considering terminating. When my baby
was fighting to live and the little
heart kept beating, how could I give
up?
By the 3rd week, we became really
hopeful. The baby was still growing
right on schedule. I hadn't felt much
fluid leaking and we were getting so
close to viability. We got real
careful with my bed rest restriction
as we got more hopeful. Jason was
already doing all the household
chores. I even cut back on my showers
and just kept a jug of water near me
so I wouldn't be getting up so much
during the day when he was at work.
But... it was not meant to be. The
morning of September 1st, we were
22wks and 5 days pregnant and it had
been 4 wks since my water broke. I had
been having some back pain and some
pressure down low. But I thought the
pressure was intestinal problems from
not moving around and not eating as
healthy since Jason had been doing all
the cooking. I also thought the back
pain was being caused by bed rest.
Looking back, I guess I was in denial.
I didn't want it to be labor pains. I
wanted to keep my baby inside where
she was still safe. I told Jason to go
ahead and go to work and I would call
if anything changed. She was born only
45 minutes after I finally admitted to
myself that I was in labor.
They laid her in my arms and she was
the softest, prettiest thing I have
ever seen. At first, she was making
breathing movements. Her little mouth
would open and her chest would rise. I
kept saying "She's trying to breathe,
she's opening her mouth, she's trying
to breathe." The nurses and dr just
said "... yeah..." and kept working
with my IV. She was just born too
soon; there was nothing they could do
to save her. I knew in my heart that
she was not going to live, but seeing
her trying to breathe, I was starting
to panic wanting to help her. Then she
stopped moving so much and I just
calmed down and held her.
Jason was at work a half hour away
with no ride to the hospital. He
didn't make it in time for the birth
since it all went so fast, but he was
there in time to hold her before her
little heart gave up. She held on for
an hour and 10 mins. I know that is
rare for a baby her age who is not on
any life support (I've read that most
only live about 15 minutes). I like to
think she was waiting for Daddy to get
there. She went peacefully in our arms.
|
|