My daughter was due July 9 2004. On
May 26, 2004, I took a shower, went
downstairs and as I was getting
dressed, I felt fluid run down the
inside of my thighs. I thought maybe
I had leaked urine. I was to see my
doctor the following morning, and
figured I better let her know, I could
be developing a urine infection. I
wasnt experiencing any other
symptoms. I finished getting
dressed. Went back upstairs, felt
more fluid. I sat on the toilet and
kept filling it up with clear fluid.
At this point I was getting pretty
nervous. My husband came home from
work and I told him if it keeps
leaking this much I will go to the
hospital. I have a 7 year old and
with him my water was broken for me, I
hadnt felt this before. I laid on the
couch filling paper towels. It
started to slow down, but I felt too
nervous. I went to the hospital. The
nurses took 2 tests, one litmus and
one slide. Both came back amniotic
fluid. They get the doctor (obviously
waking him up) and he checks me. He
doesnt see anything, a rupture, he's a
little edgy and asks the nurse if she
sees anything. He then calls my o.b.
and she tells him to advise to go home
and see her (which would have been 5
hours). After the Dr. gives me my
Dr.'s instructions, the nurse comes
back to the room. She advised me to
not go home as the Dr. ordered, but to
go another hospital with a NICU.
Stating 2 test show it's amniotic
fluid and I could tell my stomach had
gotten smaller. We do go to another
hospital. I get sent thru admissions
and a young man is wheeling me
upstairs, he stops to answer a
personal phone call on his cell
phone! My husband says (after a few
minutes), Look this is an emergency,
we've been to another hospital and
they said we should come here, she's
probably going into labor early. The
boy says, "oh they just let you drive
over here, huh?" Basically saying if
it was an emergency I would have been
brought here in an ambulance. Finally
I get upstairs. The nurses see me,
take the same 2 tests as the (as I
call it) band-aid hospital and the Dr.
comes in. She takes an ultrasound and
could see I was very low on fluid.
They are keeping me. At 7 am, another
Dr. comes in and tells me that they
are going to see if I go into labor.
If I do, being at 25 weeks and my baby
being under 2 lbs, there is a 60%
chance the baby lives and of those
60%, 50% of those children live normal
lives. I was given a shot of steroids
then and one later. Thankfully, I do
not go into labor. I stay in the
hospital 2 1/2 weeks. Morning of
April 11, the day after Easter, I am
put on the monitor, I am having
contractions. I can feel them
lightly, a Dr. checks my cervix, I am
dialated 1 and I am sent to labor and
delivery. The day progresses,
contractions become stronger, and I am
dialated 1.5. I have to go C-Section
(my first was natural). My daughter
is delivered at 2:16 am April 12, I
hear her cry. I see the doctor walk
over to the nurses while the resident
continues my "repairs" and ask how
she's doing. The nurses say she's
doing great! Relief. They wheel her
past me and they stop and tell her to
say hi to Mommy. No lie!, she lifted
up her little skinny arm waved it and
put it down. I know it was her
feeling unsteady but I loved it and so
did they. She weighs 1 lb. 15 oz. and
13 in.long. After being in recovery
they wheel me into the NICU and let me
hold her for the first time. I was
still feeling woozy from the surgery
and could only hold her for a second.
Of course tears, but I was so afraid
of her. Afraid to drop her, afraid
she was going to die, afraid to get
attached. I told them they had to
take her, I was afraid. I went to my
room, tried to sleep. Even with the
pain pills, morphine, I couldnt stay
asleep. Late morning they bring me
pics and a hand print and asked me if
I wanted to go see her. I think they
were wondering why I hadnt asked
sooner but I didnt think I was allowed
to go back yet. Seeing her "sober"
for the first time. So much fear came
over me. Is she going to live? Is
she going to lead a close to normal
life? Those were tough questions to
answer at that point of course. But
to the nurses surprise she did not
stay on a ventilator, when I saw her
she had a canula only. I didnt think
anything of it, but the nurses
immediately let me know that this was
a wonderful sign, and this does not
happen very often. She becomes this
NICU's miracle baby. The nurses fall
in love with her. Everyone's telling
us how fortunate we are, we knew, but
these nurses have seen a lot, and
hearing their praise of her progress
helped us so much. None of them can
believe how well she's doing. We kept
hearing "She thinks she's a big
girl," "you dont understand, this
doesnt happen very often." We take
her home June 14 2004. She has been
home ever since, no lapses. She took
an apnea test and passed but was still
sent home on a monitor just for
precaution. She is now 7 lb. 5 1/2
oz ! She's beautiful. Looking back
on my fear, I realize how much I
stopped myself from getting close to
her for the 1st week. I felt shamed
of this as a mother. I actually
confessed this to one of the nurses
(we got to know them well) and to my
comfort found out that it is very
normal and common. We spent those 2
months at the hospital in the morning
before work while our son was at
school and at night while our son was
sleeping and family members listened
for him so not to disrupt our time
with him, but also spend the quality
time she needed to grow. My advice,
Kangaroo! Do it as soon as you can
and as often as your baby is able!
She knew she was loved. You could see
it in her little face as soon as we
were able to hold her. She knew it,
she felt it and to this day her smile
when she peaks out to see if we
looking at her while she's "sleeping"
you can see that she knows she is
loved! Her brother has been
wonderful. He begged God for a
brother or sister. He got her! She
wasnt going anywhere! I havent even
had jealousy problems with him. Our
family has been so blessed. We know
it. It's hurting me even to tell this
story seeing all names here to the
left that are not in green. My heart
aches for you all! I know what it's
like to be at that edge, but I cannot
imagine the loss you have felt. Im
sorry for your loss. Thanks for this
release! I cant believe how much I
typed and I cant believe how relieving
this has been. God Bless!
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