My story is the most horrific
nightmare and I never dreamed I'd be
writing it here. After many many
losses in my family, my mother and I
were thrilled that I was pregnant. I
am single, and used frozen donor
sperm. I spent years preparing to be
able to have a child on my own.. the
great job, the new house, the new
car.. everything. I waited to be
financially and emotionally ready. All
the while I dreamed of being a
mother.
Everything was great.. but I spotted
brown with some small clots at 10
weeks. Spotted brown every day until
week 15. Dr. told me no reason found.
At 17 weeks 5 days I went to the ER
due to painless red bleeding... 2 pads
worth. It stopped on its own. They
found no reason for the bleeding. Dr.
said placenta was a bit low, and I may
bleed again as it moves up while my
uterus grows.
One night (at 20 weeks 1 day) after
watching a movie on the couch, I got
up to go to the restroom and there was
a huge gush of fluid. The ER dr. said
it didn't test positive for being
amniotic fluid. U/S showed normal
fluid levels (10.5) so I was sent
home. The next day while resting, I
gushed again and continued to leak. I
couldnt see my OB till the next
morning. By then, the U/S at her
office showed zero fluid around my
baby. I was devastated.
Immediately I was told that it was not
good, and that she could not survive
with no fluid. I was told I would
probably start contracting soon and
would lose her within 72 hours.
I was admitted to the hospital for two
days as a precaution to get IV
antibiotics. I had no infections at
all.
The perinatologist told me that I
would be sent home on strict bedrest,
and if I made it to 23 weeks,I would
be admitted back into the hospital and
go from there. He wanted to monitor my
fluid once a week.
After a week, my fluid was still zero.
I leaked every day every time I got up
to use the bathroom. I also bled a
little and even passed quite a large
clot one day that scared me to
death.
Every day, my baby girl moved alot,
even without fluid. She would curl up
on my right side (her favorite spot)
and I'd lay in bed and watch my belly
move. I talked to her, sang to her,
rubbed my belly, played music for
her... all the things I had become so
used to doing for so long.
At 22 weeks 1 day, I got up to use the
bathroom and felt a strange sensation.
Felt like there was a tampon in
there... so I bent over to look. To my
horror, the cord was coming out of me.
I knew it was over.
In the hospital, her heartrate was in
the low 100's. She had been so strong
for 2 weeks, this was something she
couldn't fight.
I went into labor at 3:15am on
5/27/04. My heart rate crashed when
they gave me an epidural (at one point
my pressure was 35/23) because the
medicine numbed me up to my chest
which it should not have. I had to be
given a shot of epinephrine to get my
heart going. Very scary.
After 12.5 hours of labor, my
beautiful baby girl Nia was born. She
was 11.5 inches, 1.02 pounds, perfect
and angelic.
The Dr who delivered my placenta
commented that I must have bled in the
pregnancy. He showed me that the
placenta had been clotted in spots,
probably abrupting.
This is the most horrific nightmare...
surely there is nothing worse than
losing your child.
One day I may want to try to get
pregnant again, but I know it will
scare me to death. I am so angry and
in despair over losing my daughter. I
pray for those who are trying to get
thru after PPROM. I hope there are
more women out there who will not lose
their babies.
My beautiful butterfly
Nia
"As you danced in light with joy, love
lifted you.
As you brushed against this world so
gently, you lifted us."
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