I have read so many stories of
inspiration. I just wanted to share my
not so inspirational story because I
needed to hear a story like mine when I
was resting with my complicated
pregnancy. I hope that someone out
there will read my story and know that
they are not alone with the decision
they need to make.
I was 16 weeks pregnant and the doctors
were telling us the chance of having a
viable child was less than 5% and the
periontologist told us less than 1%.
We were gasping for hope.
On a regular night, it just happenend
to be new years eve, I got up because
my daughter (a perfectly healthy 2-year-
old) was crying. On the way to the
crib, I felt a gush of fluid down my
leg. I picked my daughter up and put
her in my bed and rushed to the
bathroom. I had lost a lot of water, I
thought, and yellow mucus. I went back
to bed thinking everything was fine. I
had never experienced anything like
this with my previous pregnancy yet I
assumed it was ok. My pregnancy so far
had been a little strange because I was
bleeding slightly, it was more mucus
than blood so I didn't think it was a
big deal. My ultrasounds had shown
that I had a tear behind my placenta
that was causing the bleeding but
everything appeared to be fine. So I
was relieved in fact that the fluid was
not blood. I went to the doctor two
days later and was ordered an emergency
ultrasound because they thought it was
amniotic fluid. It was and I had lost
a lot. My fluid count was low.
A few days later, I went for another
ultrasound. In the mean time I had
lost another gush of fluid. The
doctors said the fluid was dangerously
low and I was referred to a
periontologis or a specialist in
pregnancy's. I saw two periontolgists
from the same practice. One told me
that the result was inevitable. The
chance of viability was 1% and the
biggest risk would be that the lungs
would be unable to form and the baby
would not survive out of the uterus.
He told me to go about daily activities
and hope that the hole is sealed. He
told me bed rest would not make a
difference. The other periontologist
who is among the leading in the United
States, told me to give it a week.
Rest on my left side, drink plenty of
water and hope for a miricle. He said
that the aminotic fluid broke at such a
vital time for the fetus. The lungs
develop between 16-24 weeks and the
lungs have not been able to begin to
exercise themselves. But above all
check my temperature every few hours.
He was worried about infection that
could be fatal to my fetus and
especially to me.
I lost more fluid. It always happened
in gushes. I cryied and cryied. I
lost fluid about once every 24-48
hours. I changed from clear fluid to
blood. I could not feel my baby
although the ultrasound showed a heart
beat. My child was unable to practice
breathing unable to move. My heart
broke for a child that I was carrying
that did not have a chance outside my
body. I felt as though he was
suffering.
I lost one more gush of blood. My
family was begging me to have the D and
E. (A surgical operation that
terminates the pregnancy) Yet, we
continued to carry the baby. This was
our child, yes, i was risking my health
but it didn't matter. The heart beat
was still there. Our last ultrasound
showed 2 small pockets of fluid. One
between the fetus's legs and one behind
the head. 2. something centimeters.
The fluid was not even by his mouth.
We waited and I lost another gush of
heavy blood. I decided to have the D
and E. I was a horrible night. I was
18 weeks.
My husband and I went to the hospital.
The doctor now told us that the chance
of having a viable pregnancy was zero.
We had done everything to save this
baby. I had searched the internet for
information, stayed on bedrest, drank
plenty of fluids, and even though it
was continually shattered hoped every
day that this child could survive. I
realized that that periontologist that
had told us to rest was just believing
in faith and hoping that a miricle
would come to us.
After the operation, the doctor came in
to tell me that I had developed an
infection and that it was a good thing
that we decided to come in at this time
because within a few days the infection
would have progressed and the fetus
would have terminiated itself and I
would have been very sick.
I still cry every night. I blame my
self for the rupture and wonder what
caused it. We have a girl and to know
that we had a boy is unbearably
painful. Time will never heal the
pain. Everynight I try to invision
what this boy would look like and hope,
even thought I am not very religious,
that our boy is with my grandparents
and uncle in heaven. But I know, we
made the right decision. If I was not
told that I had developed and infection
and the fetus would have terminiated
itself, I wouldn't be so sure. My
heart literally is reaching out of my
soul for anyone that is induring this
tremendously difficult and trying
situation. I send you strength to
overcome.
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