It has been almost six months since we
lost our son, and I am now ready to
tell our story. In June of 2003, at
17 weeks pregnant, I was told by a
genetic counselor that my advanced
maternal age of 34 was reason enough
to
have an amnio. We were not informed
of all of the risks, just that we had
a high enough risk for DS to outweigh
the risk of amnio. My DH and I were
at a loss, but told we had to decide
in the next 10 minutes so they could
do the
procedure with our Level II U/S.
Since it didn't sound like a big deal
to us as decribed by the
professionals, we decided to go ahead,
since the docs seemed so sure that we
should. The fetal medicine doc put
one needle in me, and then pushed and
pushed, and wriggled a stint, then
another and another until a
contraction showed on the screen and
my baby reached up for the needle. He
couldn't get that one through after
trying for over 10 minutes. So, he
pulled the needle out, and despite my
question to him that maybe we should
stop and call it a day...he continued
to poke me again, only lower this
time. I now had
two holes in my uterus and amniotic
sac that would need to heal...and my
chances of risk had then just
doubled...my concerns and question to
stop ignored.
Shortly thereafter, I made it into my
primary doc with a question about a
foul/musty odor in discharge. She
agreed to see me and looked in to find
my bag of waters bulging out of my
cervix and leaking amniotic fluid from
the
procedure. She said our baby had no
chance of survival and wanted to
terminate immediately. I said
NO....we will fight. I went to bed
for the duration, and prayed to make
it to at least 24 weeks, when the docs
would be able to fight for my baby's
life if he were born. During this
time, I was in and out of the
hospitals begging for antibiotics to
fight the infection that was taking
over.
My white blood cells went from a
normal range of 12,000 to double that
at 24,000 and higher. I was severly
infected and nobody would help....the
only offer of
help was to deliver the baby. At 23
weeks, my friend found a
perinatologist who agreed to admit me
to his hospital that day and start me
on an IV drip of
antibiotics. We were elated!!! At
3am that morning, I went into labor
and it couldn't be stopped. I
delivered my beautiful baby angel that
afternoon at 5:07pm. Our beautiful
angel Aidan did not live through the
delivery.
By the way, the Fetal Medicine Clinic
did call us and let us know that we
had a healthy baby boy with no
chromosonal defects. I called them
back to let them know what had
happened as a result of the
amnio...
I am sorry if this story is upsetting,
but if I had only had one person tell
me this story, I would have NEVER gone
through with the amnio! I will always
love and miss my Angel Aidan.
I am now 10w3d p/g again, and we will
not even have an AFP this time. We
will take whatever God gives us and be
blessed. A lifetime of missing my son
is my sentence for my ignorant
decision.
My apologies for such a gloomy story,
but I don't know that I will ever get
over this loss. I have sought
therapy, and it is helping, but I will
always feel guilty and sad for this
loss.
Stefani
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