My name is Jennifer, and in May 1997 I
was carrying my daughter, Lindsey. I
had recently moved to Los Angeles, and
my family had planned an early baby
shower for me back home in Denver on
May 27. After having a complete check
up at the doctor the Monday before, my
husband and I drove to Denver for the
baby shower. The morning of the shower,
I woke up with what I thought was urine
leaking. (I thought I had peed the
bed). I went back to sleep, thinking
nothing of it, since it was very
little. Later that morning I woke,
feeling "different". I felt heavier
in front, and kind of crampy like a
period. I mentioned it to my husband
and father, and we all thought it was
nothing. We went to breakfast, and even
went to buy our stroller before the
shower.
When I was getting ready a few hours
later, I went to the bathroom, and
found a large amount of blood. I
wasn't currently bleeding, and
everyone seemed to think lots of women
bleed during pregnancy. So, we left for
the baby shower. As soon as I arrived
at my sisters house, I told my mother
what I was feeling. She offered to take
me across the street to the hospital
"just to make me feel better" so that
I could enjoy my shower.
They performed an ultrasound, and there
was our baby, moving and appeared fine.
Then a doctor came in and showed us how
the sac had "hourglassed" into the
vaginal canal. She told us that the
chances of survival were extremely low.
My memories of the remained are
fogged.
They rushed me upstairs, and at some
point told me that I was developing an
infection because the sac was leaking.
They told me they would have to induce
labor, and my baby would die. I know
those of you with PROM know the horror
of those words. I could feel my baby
moving inside of me, but also knew that
it was time to deliver her, and that
she couldn't survive. They induced
with triple pitocin, with no pain
relief, and the labor was agonizing.
Finally, I delivered Lindsey still in
the sac, so they had to hook it. After
cleaning her up and pronouncing her
dead, we all had the chance to hold
her, and say our goodbyes. I am so
thankful that I was at home when all of
this happened with the love and support
of my family around me. Now, it is
almost the 2 year anniversary of
Lindsey's death, and I am again
pregnant (and will be 20 weeks at the
same time I was with Lindsey). I am on
complete bedrest, and they have placed
a cerclage in hopes of helping me carry
this baby to term. I hope and pray that
things will go well, as I have always
dreamt of being a mother.... yet I will
never forget and will never take what
Lindsey gave me away from her. She did
a really good job of making me feel
like a "Mommy".
I love you Lindsey.....
Mommy
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