The beginning of my pregnancy was
wonderful, I didn't have any morning
sickness and I felt great. I did yoga,
aqua aerobics and dancing and I filled
the fridge with fruit and vegies. I
became a mum as soon as I found out I
was pregnant and knew my role as a mum
was most important during the next 7-8
months. I was very excited about the
baby and had lots of dreams of a happy
future. My dreams were shattered at
18+2 weeks (27.4.03). I woke up at
5.30 and felt what I thought was a wee
coming out and I couldn’t stop it. I
stood up and more came out. I went to
the toilet and thought 'great, now I
can't control my bladder'. I went back
to bed, woke up several hours later to
the same thing. Ben eventually drove
me to the hospital, and on the way we
weren’t too worried. I thought worst
case I’d have to wear those nappies
designed for old ladies. I didn’t know
my whole world was about to
collapse.
In the emergency room they told me it
was amniotic fluid and I was probably
going to lose the baby in the next
couple of days. I asked the doctor to
tell Ben because I couldn't. He came
in and I could see his heart broke
when she finally told him. The next 2
days were a nightmare, I kept feeling
the fluid come out, and I cried
because with every little bit of
fluid, I lost a little bit of hope. I
cried for the baby. I felt guilty. I
drowned in self pity. I was put on
ward 5 which was gynaecology &
miscarriages. An ultrasound showed I
had 50% fluid the next day. The doctor
said 85% chance I'll have the baby
within 10 to 14 days, in which case
there’s no chance the baby will
survive, and less than 5% chance I’ll
go home with the baby. I was
determined to do everything I could
for this baby. They offered me a
termination and I said 'no way'. They
said that most women go home, and I
said 'well I’m staying here'. The
hospital was much cleaner and I was
monitored every 4 hours.
I was given antibiotics to clear up a
strep-B infection which they said was
normal for women to have and was only
dangerous in pregnancy. I stayed in
bed as much as I could, did cross
words, cross stich, watch TV and slept
as much as I could. At night I cried
and cried I was so scared. My little
boy was alive and kicking, but I was
told when he is born he just wont be
able to take a breath. I had 15
ultrasounds while in hospital and they
all showed no water or 1.55 cm at
most. They also said the baby was very
small (2 - 3 weeks behind), his heart
was too big, and his ribs and feet
were misshapen. Time went by and I
started gaining hope but at 23 weeks,
when I thought my baby had a chance,
the doctor said 'no, even if you have
him at 40 weeks, he still only has
less than 5% chance as his lungs have
stopped developing at 18 weeks'. The
situation seemed hopeless. I was given
steroid shots at 24 weeks and then
iron and calcium tablets, but really
there was nothing they could do but
wait until I got an infection which
was inevitable and I’d have to give
birth immediately.
Lucky for me I had lots of support
from my family who visited every day
during the 12 weeks, and Ben who was
by my side, sometimes he was strong
and let me cry on his shoulder, and
sometimes we cried together, it was
just as hard for him. I made friends
with all the midwifes and several
other patients and we supported each
other at difficult time. Our babies
died while I was there, and I grieved
with the mums and felt their pain. At
29 + 4 weeks I went into labour, the
doctor said I could have a caesarean
section and it would be the old
fashioned vertical cut, and this would
mean a scar on my uterus. I would
never be able to carry a baby to full
term, I would have to have c-section
for future births, and I could only
have 2 more babies.. Or I could opt
for a vaginal delivery in which they
would turn off all the monitors and
I'm on my own. The doctor said 'we'll
treat it as a miscarriage'. This was a
really touch decision. I was in so
much pain and delirious from the
morphine. I didn’t know what to do.
Bailey was born vaginally, he came out
clean and breech, and didn’t cry. He
was resuscitated and put on high
frequency ventilator with 100% oxygen.
He was 1.3 kg. His heart was the right
size and his ribs and feet were
perfect. On day 6 he started breathing
on his own. He is now 17 days old and
was given a greater than 90% chance of
survival. He looks just like his
daddy. We can’t wait to cuddle him and
kiss him, and he will be getting lots
of that when he will come home in
September 2003. If anyone has any
questions or comments or would like
some advice, I’d be delighted to
respond. My email address is
studiobeat@hotmail.com. Please visit
Bailey's website
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/b/ba
ileyethan/
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