I'm sharing my/our story in hopes of
healing not at the loss of a child but
the loss of a pregnancy which ended
abruptly and that has left me
emotionally messed up.
I'm a single mother who that waited 30
years to have a baby and had such hopes
and dreams for the 'perfect' "Baby
Story" pregnancy, labour and delivery.
My pregnancy ended at 31 week and 5
days gestation. (The professional
pregnancy photoshoot was 4 weeks away)
Sara was born on October 1st, 2003
weighing 4 pounds 3 ounces...(the bully
of the NICU they called her) Sara, my
perfect little angel, my one and only
love is now a healthy 9 month old and I
love her to bits.
Many of you may be wondering why am I
distressed about my situation...yes I
have a healthy baby, but emotionally
I'm still easily upset about things
that I went through during my pregnancy
and for me, telling you my story is
about healing.
I guess I started to have problems from
month one, little spotting from time to
time next to kidney stones at 16 weeks
(thinking I was miscarring)hospitalized
for 3 days. Before I knew it I was in
and out of the hospital about 3-5 times
a month until 31 weeks with pain
constant pain and pressure.
I had/have fibroids and the Doctors
said that could have beem the
problem...but no solution, medication
or empathy to help relieve the pain and
pressure they caused me. To be honest
I blame the Doctors and their
incompetance for my suffering. Where I
live the OB's (about 5 of them) thought
it would be a good idea for just ONE of
them to be on call at a time, so
whenever I had a problem I never knew
which Doctor I would see and they knew
nothing about my 'case' just what was
on the chart! One doctor said, at 26
weeks gestation 'we will treat you as
if you are in labour than 10 minutes
later his shift ends and the next
Doctor on shift sends me home!!! The
only time I saw my Doctor was when
myself and other patients were seen
like an assembly line, she'd flit in
the room and gone just as fast I never
knew what happened or got my questions
answered about my pain in my uterus.
The doctor was said to be 'the best'
that's why I didn't change. These were
the symptoms that should have gived the
Doctors a 'WARNING' that a preterm
infant was on the way but alas still
no 'strict' bed rest or medicines or
even letting me know that this was a
serious problem.
My membranes broke on a Friday
September 26, 2003 at 5:05pm (something
I remembered from prenatal
class 'Colour,'time and odour' I was
just laying on the couch watching the
Y&R and I felt a huge 'GUSH' I screamed
out 'f**k' (in front of my mother which
I never do) and ran to the bathroom.
15 minutes later my mom took me to the
hospital and I was admitted with only
the clothes on my back and a wash cloth
stuffed in my underware. The next day
I was transfered to another hospital
where they were better equiped for a
preterm baby of 31 weeks. The hospital
was 1 hour away and really no one
really came to see me, my mom even
missed the delivery as the labour was
so fast. My mom didn't drive, the
baby's father didn't care. I was put
on antibiotics and managed to get 5
more days for baby Sara to grow, she
did.
As I said previously she was 4pounds 3
ounces at delivery, on CPAP for 24
hours and the 4 weeks she stayed in the
NICU was to gain weight, learn how to
eat on her own and to be observed,
mostly however, she slept (and I'm sure
many of you know how hard it is to wake
a preemie up to eat). I stayed at the
Ronald McDonald house (on my own)to be
near her. I brought her home weighing
4 pounds 14 ounces and was/is as proud
as could be.
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