I'm 27 years old and have been healthy
all my life. I was shocked when I had
a miscarriage at 5 weeks with my first
child. My second child (Alyssa, now 2)
was full term, perfectly healthy and
beautiful.
Me and my husband had truly been
blessed. We decided we wanted our
children about 2 years apart, so we
started trying to get pregnant in
August of 1998 (when Alyssa was 9 mos.
old). It took a full year, but finally
our wish had come true. We got pregnant
in August of 1999 and was due May 11,
2000.
The nightmare began on December 12th,
when I noticed a strange brown
discharge that lasted all day. I was
really nervous, because with Alyssa, I
had no discharge, spotting, etc. during
the whole pregnancy. I called the
doctor the next day, and she told me to
go to the emergency room right away.
She did some cultures, a sonogram, and
a manual exam, and everything appeared
perfectly fine. She thought maybe I had
an infection, which I did not. She said
it might take a week to clear up. Three
days later, I noticed some red clotting
(very little) in the toilet, and called
the doctor right away. She told me to
go back to the hospital, where they did
more tests and another sonogram.
Again, everything appeared fine. As a
precautionary measure, she gave me a
prescription for an antibiotic, and
sent me home on 10 days bedrest.
After coming home, I stayed on moderate
bedrest, not over-exerting myself, and
spending time on the couch. 3 more days
later, at 5:45 am on Sunday, December
19th, my water broke (I was now 19 1/2
weeks pregnant). I went to the
hospital, and they confirmed it was
amniotic fluid (the fern test). They
did a sonogram and was hopeful because
my fluid was still in the low normal
range (9). They admitted me on strict
bedrest (bed pan, legs slightly
elevated), and told me that in three
days they would re-check my fluid
level, and hope that I re-sealed and re-
accumulated fluid. Those three
miserable days passed and I went for my
follow-up sonogram on Wed., December
22nd. The news was bad. My fluid level
was now a 4 and there were only small
pockets of fluid around the baby,
although the heartbeat was strong as
could be and my cervix was tightly
closed. They basically told me there
was no hope for this baby. That, if I
chose, I could go the expectant
management way and maybe make it
another 3-4 weeks without an infection
setting in or going into labor. They
said at 20 weeks the baby had no chance
of survival, and if I made it to 23 or
24 weeks, maybe a 50% chance of
survival, with a 30% chance that there
would be awful problems associated with
such a premature baby. My doctor told
me that it was likely I would develop
an infection that would cause scarring
(and prevent future pregnancies) or
that I would go into labor in the next
2 weeks.
Now I was faced with the awful decision
of inducing labor or keep going with
all the terrible possiblities lying
ahead. I felt like I wanted to keep
going, but my whole entire family felt
the only option was to induce labor
(not wanting to put me at risk). I went
ahead with the induction that
afternoon, and after 21 hours of
waiting, and 2 hours of hard labor, I
delivered what seemed to me a perfect
little girl who only lived for 1 minute
after delivery. She was only 9.2 oz
and 11 inches long. She was so tiny,
but so perfect and beautiful. We named
her Angel Baby and held her for awhile.
My whole family was there and very
supportive. I went home Christmas Eve
and had to make arrangements with the
funeral home. We put her in a tiny
little dress for her cremation.
I don't know why this happened to me
and my husband, or why God took her
from us - I will never understand - I
just hope my faith will get me through
this. In some ways, I feel like I
shouldn't have made the decision to
induce labor - maybe the outcome
wouldn't have been as grim as was
explained to me. Maybe that should have
been God's call - but with the
information that was given to me, I
felt that was the only option.
My little Christmas Angel is now in
heaven and is now my family's guardian
angel. Please write me if you have any
comments or support for me during this
tragic time in my life. Thank you for
allowing me to share my story.
Jennifer
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