I'm just writing this to tell my story
and get a little off my chest. I just
turned 18 years old and am a senior in
high school. I found out I was
pregnant last September with my
boyfriend of two years' child. I was
scared but decided to have the child
anyway because I would still be able
to graduate in June and I had alot of
support from him and our families. For
20 weeks I had a normal pregancy and
was very happy besides all the
sickness and fatigue. That all changed
when on one of my ob appointments the
doctor told me the afp test came back
positive for spina bifida. I wasn't
sure at the time how serious that was
but I didn't dwell on it too much. I
was sent to see a specialist who did
an ultrasound and found that my due
date was miscalculated and my pregancy
was off by about a month I think it
was 3 weeks. He sounded very confident
in saying that the test could have
been invalid because I wasn't enough
weeks pregnant to take the test and I
should take the test again. I also
found out that day I was having a baby
girl so I went home happy. I retook
the blood test and about a week later
the test came back postive again, but
this time the risk for spina bifida
was even greater. I went back to the
specialist to have an amnio done to
see if everything was ok but when an
ultrasound was done it showed that my
amniotic fluid had drastcially
decreased since I had been there last
week. It was at a low 4.29cm, and I
really hadn't noticed any leakage
besides the discharge that I thought
was normal. This brought about another
problem to add to the spina bifida
risk and to the "red spot" on the
baby's heart which might've meant
nothing but is also related to DS. I
was so upset that all this just
happened so fast and all along I
thought I had a healthy pregnancy.
Well, anyways only having 4cm of fluid
I was sent home like I was normal and
not even told that I should've been on
best rest like I later found out. The
next evening I noticed a little
leakage but I didn't tell anyone
because I was so scared. I told my
boyfriend the next day and he told his
mom who immediately rushed me to the
nearest hospital. I went to the labor
and delivery floor and was scared that
I was going to lose my baby girl. They
called my doctor and I had an
ultrasound done to measure the fluid
which had decreased about another 2cm.
Everyone was talking so grimly about
the situation except for the
ultrasound tech. who was showing me my
baby's face and body like nothing was
wrong. She even printed out a picture
of the baby's face that said "I love
you mommy and daddy!". I was so
confused and upset. The doctor told me
that I would have to stay at the
hospital and be put on bed rest with
an iv until the fluid went back up
although he also mentioned that it was
a 9:1 chance that it would do so.
Later a neonatal doctor also talked to
me and told me the chances for a baby
born at less than 24 weeks to survive
were very low and would have other
problems such as respiratory problems
and limb problems. All this on top of
a high risk for spina bifida! I was so
devastated. The first two nights at
the hospital were horrible; I couldn't
sleep or eat the disgusting food and I
kept thinkning about going home. I
couldn't stay in the hospital for
months I thought. My mom talked to me
very carefully about the second option
of termination because of all the
risks. I didn't want to lose my baby
but how could I take care of such a
sick child and still try to pursue a
college education? If I stayed at the
hosipital I probably wouldn't even
have graduated. After
being "convinced" that this was the
best thing to do for me and the baby I
talked to my boyfriend about the
situatuion and reluctantly he agreed
as well as his family. I spoke with
the doctor about this and he said it
was better this way because his
daughter had also been through a
similar situation. Well I was given
the medication to induce my labor on
Monday night and by Tuesday morning on
Feb. 11, 2003 I had given birth to a
beautiful baby girl. She didn't even
have a heartbeat. My boyfriend and I
held her and told her we loved her and
said goodbye. They gave me a beautiful
little box with her little hat and
gown and pictures they took of her.
Even her tiny little footprints. At
the hospital I was fine I felt I had
made the best decision. But the next
day after coming home I cryed and
cryed. Everything made me cry about
the situation. I regret my decision so
much because I should've waited to see
if the fluid could go back up. I
didn't even wait a week. I can't
believe how impatient I was. It's
going to be a week tomorrow and I have
to return to school. It's so hard to
talk to people about this and I know
they're going to ask what happened to
my stomach.
I know this has been a long post but I
had to get my feelings out. I know now
that I can't change the past, I have
to accept it and move on. I will never
forget Nyana, she was my first
pregnancy. I changed my whole life for
her. I changed the way I dressed, the
way I ate, I stopped hanging around
some of my wild party friends. I just
have to focus on getting my life back
to normal. Goodbye Babygirl. Thanks to
anyone who reads this.
|
|