Me and my husband we married January
1, 1998. We so much wanted to have
children. Little did we now
on our journey to have a baby, that we
would go through so many obstacles.
My first loss, I found out I was
pregnant in April of 98 at 4 weeks,
and started the bleeding, but my
doctor said it was a low laying
placenta, at 6 weeks I miscarried
turns out it was a blighted ovum. I
Miscarried on May 16,1998 We were
told that the likely chance of another
miscarriage was not likely.
I became pregnant again 2 years later,
June of 2000. Went to the same doctor.
I was 4 weeks pregnant and i was
spotting and then at 8 weeks July 8,
2000 i miscarried again a blighted
ovum. Same reason from doctor again
that it was just a low laying
placenta. And to think that I was told
again that it is just one of those
things that happens and noone knows
why.
Became pregnant again in Nov., 2000. I
was 4 weeks pregnant when i found out.
This time when they did an ultrasound
I was so excited there was a
heartbeat. Again it was the same
doctor who does not specialize in
pregnancy problems. Once more the
bleeding started and I was 10 weeks
pregnant when the babies heart
had stopped beating I was then
scheduled for a 3rd d&c on jan.,2001.
How could this be that God has
chosen me for all the problems? How
can he take yet another baby that was
so much loved and wanted. I
finally got smart and moved doctors.
And had all the testing to see why I
kept have multiple miscarriages.
everything came out negative. I was
fine and my husband was fine. Found
out again for the 4th time in june,
2001 that I was pregnant. I tried to
keep my self occupied by doing
miscarriage research. because I
had decided it was going to happen
again. and i was trying to find a way
to prevent it. I bought all the books,
did all the researching on the common
causes. Well I went to a new doctor
and found out that i have low
progesterone levels, and was put on
progesterone. We did all the blood
tests during the pregnancy to see if
things were going as planned. All is
well. A baby was there with a beating
heart. I went through my share of
blood tests and ultrasounds during
this pregnancy. I had went to a local
hospital and was cramping and they did
an ultrasound on me on Sept 13, 2001.
The baby was still alive the heart was
still beating. The radiologist said
that is was a very healthy one... So
he told me to go to the bathroom and
empty my bladder and he would do a
transvaginal ultrasound. I did.. When
I laid back down. He started doing his
thing.
When I noticed that the baby's heart
beat had been 165 before bath rooming
and that it had dropped to 70 and then
to 65. Little did I know that I was
watching my angel die. My mother was
there with me. The baby turned his
head and looked at us and then waved
his has as if saying good-bye, then
slowly he placed his hands on his
chest as if saying a prayer, his legs
were folded under him. I asked the
tech if the baby was dying and he said
the baby was probably just asleep. But
I know better I always knew when
something was wrong with my body and
with my baby. Its a mothers instinct
when something is going wrong.. So I
broke down crying. They sent me back
upstairs to my room. And the doctor
came in with a doppler. It was 20
minutes later. The heartbeat was gone.
I was scheduled in the morning for
another ultrasound just to see if
it was fetal demise. My heart sank the
next morning when they came and got me
I told them the baby had already died.
But they went on and done another
ultrasound. The baby had died just
minutes after the ultrasound. The
doctor who i had went to for my
previous miscarriages wanted to do a
d&c and I refused to do it I told him
i was going to my other doctor for a
2nd confirmation. And I did. I got to
the other hospital that evening around
3:00p.m. and my doctor wanted to
induce me at 8:00p.m. after she had
confirmed with ultrasound that the
baby had died. So I agreed to do it..
At 8:00 p.m. the nurse came in and
administered the prostaglan in my
cervix. the doctor told me that it
would take 12 to 14 hours for me to
have the baby.
At 8:30p.m. I started hurting really
bad and they gave me 2 shots of
statall and a percoset. It did not
seem to help the nurse wanted me to
have an epideral and i did not want
one... Finally later around 1:20a.m. I
had the sudden urge to go to the rest
room, they put me on a bed pan. the
nurse left my mother to take care of
me. I kept asking my mother to check
to see if I was using the bathroom and
she said yes and I then told her that
I felt the baby coming out. She said
nothing was coming out and I told her
yes there was. Then a second later the
baby and the sac came out into the bed
pan. My mother called the nurse and
they came and got the baby. I was 15
to 16 weeks pregnant. My doctor came
back and brought the baby with her for
me to see. It was a boy. My heart sank
deep into my chest. They did an
alltopsy on him and discovered he had
died from amniotic band syndrome. And
his cord was wrapped 3 times around
his neck and a blood clot was in the
placenta... We had a funeral for him.
Mommies angel and Daddies angel.
Freddie Lee Allen Moore, Jr.
When you are in such a state of
depression because the loss of a child
the last thing's you want to hear are
you are young you can have more
children, it was the lords will, it
was for the best and the best one is.
maybe there were things in your life
that you had done and this is God's
punishment to you. I never thought God
would punish me by taking a child that
I so desperately loved. I found out i
was pregnant July, 2002. I was so
scared I did not know where to turn. I
was afraid the same thing would happen
to me.
Maybe God was punishing me. We did all
the tests again I had low progesterone
levels. So on the progesterone I go.
We done millions of ultrasounds
checking to see if there were any
problems. No bleeding all is going
well. On October 3, 2002 I called the
doctor I was having allot of pressure
and was cramping which I felt were
contractions it was happening every
few minutes. The doctor had me come in
for an ultrasound. while doing the
ultrasound the baby had a heart beat
and the tech said she would be right
back. She came back with someone more
experienced. She confirmed that my
cervix was funneling. I knew what that
meant I was gonna have to have a
cerclage put in. They called the
doctor's office and the doctor put me
in the hospital at 3:00p.m. to do a
rescue cerclage. At 6:00p.m. they did
the cerclage.
I was so scared because I have a
sister in law who had been funneling
and when the doctor went to put the
stitch in it broke her water at 24
weeks. The baby lived and is fine. I
kept asking if the baby was ok was he
still in me, yes he was and i was not
having any contractions. They kept me
over night to make sure I was not
going to go into labor i Was 16 weeks.
They sent me home on strict bed rest.
Only to the bathroom and to doctor
appointments and no sitting up what so
ever. I finally found out at 19 weeks
that I was having a boy. We had
already named him Brady Alexander
Moore.
On November 25-26 My doctor had
me in the hospital because i was
having contractions. They did a fetal
fibronectin swap test of the cervix
which tells you if you will go into
labor within a few weeks. Mine came
back positive. The doctor said it
could be false because they did not
know the results with a cerclage in.
So it could not be accurate. I had a
bladder infection. They sent me home
on antibiotics.
On December 1, 2002 I went to the
bathroom 5 times in 15 minutes I know
something was not right. When I went
to the bathroom the last time when I
was wiping I felt as if something was
sticking out. Oh my God there was
something. the babies feet were
hanging out.. At 12:30a.m. I called my
doctor and told her and she said to
come right away. it is a 2 hour drive
to get there..
my mother called her back and told her
that we would not make it. So she said
go to the nearest hospital.
So we did and they were going to fly
me out from that hospital to my
doctor. but the weather was bad and
would not permit it. So the hospital
sent and ambulance that morning to
come and get me. They put me on
brethine and magnesium. And I was
dilated to 2 cm. Everything was going
good until dec 3, 2002. I started
feeling like the babies feet were
hanging out again, but the doctor was
afraid to check me because i was not
leaking water, afraid of breaking the
sac, and risk of infection. I told her
she might want to stick around that
i felt like something was not right
and she said that she would call and
check on me to see how i was doing.
Around 2:00p.m. i buzzed the nurse and
she came in and i told her i was
having a hard time breathing so
she went and got a machine to check my
oxygen level. She hooked me up and
told me she would be right back. I
felt like something was wrong..
Meantime I am on the bed pan have
pressure like i have to Urinate,
and have a bowel movement. I asked my
mother to check to see if something
was coming out and she said no, and a
minute later i asked again, because i
felt the urge to push and something
coming out. I still had in the
cerclage. And if i was having the
baby i would have to have a c section
because he was breech. My mother then
checked again and the cord and feet
were hanging out. My water sac had
ruptured about a minute before
i felt him coming out of me, i should
have know because it was the same
symptoms as my last loss. I go into
shock and my mother calls the
nurse, telling them something is wrong
the baby is hanging out. The nurse
came in and was pushing everything
back up in me to keep from cutting the
flow off the cord, The nurse called
the doctors office and told them she
needed to speak to the doctor now. She
told the doctor the baby was coming
out... My room was filled within
minutes with doctors and nurses. The
NICU nurses and doctors. I was so
scared. My doctor came to my room and
checked me and asked me to push, but
with the cerclage in it would not let
Brady come out. If I could have pushed
him out he would not make it, because
of cutting off the blood flow
to him. She took me in for the c
section and told me she had to do an
ultrasound to see if Brady was still
alive, because they could not feel the
pulse in the cord anymore. I knew in
my heart he had already died.
While doing the ultrasound she said
she could not find Brady's heartbeat.
I started crying when one of the
nurses said his heart was beating it
was very faint. They said knock her
out. I was out and minutes later at
2:52p.m. Brady Alexander Moore was
born.. 1lb 8 ozs and 12 1/2 inches
long. My husband got to come in
the operation room when they had Brady
stabilized to see him. Later I woke up
and kept asking over and over if Brady
was alive. And finally when I was good
and alert I asked if I could see him.
they wheeled me into the NICU on the
surgery bed to see him... He was the
most beautifulist baby i had ever
seen. The doctors told me he only had
a 20% chance of survival but I knew
different. I could feel for the first
time that this baby was going to make
it.
Brady had his up and down days in the
NICU. On December 17, 2002 Brady
started having trouble keeping
his oxygen levels up. That night I
stayed with him during visitation
from 8:30p.m. to 10:20p.m. Visitation
ends at 10:00p.m. but the nurse told
me since he had been having a
bad day to stay longer if i would
like. When I left I felt like
something was not right with him.
About 11:45p.m. I asked my mother to
call the NICU and see how he was
doing. She did not feel well and said
she would in a little while because we
had just barley left there. At 12:00 I
heard the door bell ring at the Ronald
Mcdonald House. I jumped up and told
mom that Brady had died. She kept
telling me it was not Brady but I knew
better. I am him mother I can sense
when something is wrong. A minute
later someone is knocking on our door,
and I started crying and telling mom
again that Brady had died. She said no
he isn't.
When we opened the door it was 2 NICU
nurses. I asked them if Brady died and
they said that he was having a hard
time with his oxygen and that I was
needed there now. I thought maybe they
want me to calm him down. because when
i was with him he would not get
agitated and his oxygen levels would
go back to normal. When I got to the
elevator in the hospital i asked the
nurses if they expect Brady to make
it, They said no that he was on 100%
oxygen. I ran through the NICU doors
to find my Brady, my baby, my belly
bean, being held by a nurse, no longer
hooked up to breathing equipment. I
asked the nurse if he had died
and she said yes that he had in fact
passed away at 12:20a.m. December 18,
2002. She was crying and handed me
Brady I knew this was it that I would
not get to see him anymore.. I was
dying inside. A few minutes later my
mother showed up.. She broke down and
asked if he had died too. It was such
a state of shock for us because he had
been doing so well. They had to send
me to the emergency room, because of
chest pain and to give me a sedative
to calm me down. I came back up and
held Brady and my mother held him some
to. My husband and father showed up.
Not knowing what was wrong until they
looked in my arms and saw our angel
lying there lifeless. Yes yet another
angel we loved and wanted so very much
had left us to be with God. How could
God let this happen for a 5th time. Me
and my husband have prayed for one
baby for 5 years. When it came to
finding out why i had Brady so early.
It was never found out it could have
been the bladder infection and
because I have an incompetent cervix.
We had Brady's funeral on December 20,
2002. How could i have another funeral
for a child of mine. This is not the
way life is suppose to go. Your
children are suppose to bury the
mother and father not the other way
around. The world is cold. God and I
don't see eye to eye on my losses. But
I learned allot while having Brady for
just 15 days. He made such an impact
on people, the nurses and doctors in
the NICU, my nurse that helped me
during my labor and delivery stay, My
mother-baby unit nurses. My Babies you
are loved and missed so very much not
a day goes by that i don't think of
you. I will leave you by saying. Most
people only dream of seeing angels, I
got to hold and see one if only for a
moment in time.
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