I found out I was pg again on the 15th
March 2002. I was very surprised as I
have PCOS and this was entirely
natural. So we were surprised but
elated. At 11w4d I was booked in the
following Monday for a cerclage at
12w1d(I had an emergency one during my
last pg at 18w for Incompetent cervix,
then on bedrest and Caitlyn was born
at 28w3d - her Story is listed under
27-28w). Everything went fine and I
spent 2 nights in hospital. Came home
Wed 15th May and went onto bedrest.
Saw doc 27th May and everything looked
great. I was to be allowed back to
work the following Monday 1/2 day
only . Tuesday morning I woke up and
was not feeling too well. Had a bit of
pain, so doc said come in to see him.
Did a scan and there on the scan you
could see the top of the cervix above
the stitch opening and closing, so I
was immediately re-admitted and put on
an Ipradol drip (had been taking oral
ipradol to stop contractions but it
obviously was not working - I live in
South Africa - they don't use mag
sulphate here anymore as Ipradol is
considered much better without all the
nasty side effects ). Anyway Friday
morning they did another scan and
everything looked good. Baby was
looking great and weighing around
140grams (4oz) (I was 14w5d according
to early u/s, 15w1d according to my
calcs). He let me go home Friday, with
strict bedrest instructions. We were
told that I would not be coming back
to work at all. Saturday morning I
woke up having proper contractions, so
John (dh) rushed me through to the
hospital. My doc was not on call and
was out of Johannesburg , so he
consulted with the doc on call and
they again placed me on an ipradol
drip, plus gave me an Atarax injection
to relax all the muscles. This
thankfully worked and I spent a sleepy
day in hospital. Sunday morning I
started with contractions again, and
again was given an Atarax injection as
well as some suppository for pain.
Again this worked and again I spent a
sleepy day in hospital. John and
Caitlyn came to visit that afternoon
and left around 6pm. At about 7:50pm I
started having contractions again, and
when John phoned me at 8pm I had just
called the nurse as they hit me every
5min right off and I were 30sec in
length. I couldn't talk to John for
long and said I wouold phone him
later. The nurses got hold of my
normal doc and were told to mix an
injection of pethidine and atarax and
see if that helped. John arrived just
before they gave it to me.
Unfortunately at this stage nothing
was helping, and over the next 2 hours
I went from having contractions 5 min
apart to every 2min, 45sec in length.
Eventually the labour ward sister came
down and I was also given a second
shot of pethidine and another supps
for pain. Eventually 3 hours after
they started the contractions finally
stopped (I was in full labour by this
stage, contractions 1min apart and
50sec-60sec in length - but of course
the stitch was keeping everything in),
and I was so doped up that I passed
out. I can't remember if it was a
short time or a long time later, but
John had gone home, and I felt a pop.
There was a sister in the room with me
and I said I needed to go to the
toilet, and that I was soaking wet.
She just brushed it off as me having
an accident due to all the meds and
that it was just urine, but in my
heart of hearts I knew differently (I
should mention I was in a normal
gynaecological ward) . The next
morning when my doc came in again, I
told him about the pop and the water
and he immediately called me up for a
scan. There was no water left at all
and my babies heartbeat had stopped.
He was going to remove the stitch in
his surgery, but when he checked he
said he would hurt me too much, and
would have to do it under general.
Unbeknownst to me, the reason was that
if he had removed the stitch there and
then, everything would come out
immediately. That afternoon (June 3rd)
I was wheeled into theatre, and my
precious little baby boy was born
still. I was just over 15w pg.
This has hit me really hard and I in
no way want to be at work this
morning, but unfortunately life must
go on I guess. I was so optimistic
especially once I hit that 12w mark.
You sort of breathe a sigh of relief
and think everything will be plain
sailing from then on out, plus there
is such good statistical figures over
having a stitch placed early with IC
that I never in a million years
expected to be one of that 10-20% stat
that don't make it to 28w. I guess
it's also maybe harder because it was
a little boy and I was so hoping for a
boy because men even if they don't
admit it still like to have a son. It
might be silly I don't know, but I
wanted to name the baby seeming as we
knew the sex so we named him Sean
(Irish form of John) after his daddy.
Everyone keeps telling me rather now
than later, and I swear I feel like
hitting them. Better for whom?????????
If the pain gets worse the later you
lose a baby then God bless everyone
who has every lost a baby later on
because I feel so much pain right now.
To me he was already my little baby
boy and it is a death. I was so
totally unprepared emotionally for
this. I guess I always knew in the
back of my mind that there were losses
that could occur and a stitch was not
a guarantee, but being human and
playing the glad game I never thought
about these things. I was also so
totally unprepared for the labour. We
never had ante-natal classes for our
first as we never got far enough, so I
really had no clue. Once the labour
sister came down and helped with my
breathing etc the pain did start being
better but for 2 hours I was having
major contractions and was fighting
the pain the best I could. In all my
life I have never felt pain like that,
but you know what I would go through
that pain 100 times over if it meant
that I could have my baby boy back. I
have never seen John so scared and
worried though, I think he was
concerned that something was going to
happen to me as well. I am trying to
be grateful for the one little miracle
I do have, but am so angry right now.
My mind tells me that these things
happen for a reason, but when have you
even known the head to rule the
emotions. My heart is breaking and I
know that it is also important to let
yourself grieve properly. We might
try again in another year or so, but
we will see.
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