This has been the most difficult
experience I have had to endure in my
life. I am a 40 y.o. woman who has
been fortunate enough to have given
live birth to two very much alive and
beautiful teenage girls. I started
having problems back in 1981, I lost
three pregnancies before I changed
doctors, It was determined that I
lacked sufficient progesterone to
complete the pregnancies, easy enough
and VOILA, I gave birth to the girls
within a year of each other.
Subsequently, I lost an additional
three very much wanted pregnancies, I
just didn't catch them in time for the
progesterone to kick in. The latest
was a set of twins Jan. 2001. I
became pregant again in May 2001, and
got on progesterone immediately, all
went well, myself, husband and the
girls moved from Chicago to Boston. On
the way, we drove the car out I began
bleeding alot, I was approx 12 weeks!
We stopped at the nearest emergency
room, and had tests and U/S done, Ian
was fine. We went on our way, moved
in and had my 1st Dr. apptmnt, all
looked good. Had an anmnio, all
reports said healthy baby, but now
they saw an incompetent cervix, no
problem into the hosp for placement of
the cerclage at 18 weeks. Ian was
fine. I was on mostly bedrest at home
when at 24 weeks my membrane ruptured,
into the hospital immediately, and to
the doctors amazement there was still
a considerable amount of fluid left so
we were in there for the long haul.
They gave me my steriod treaments we
looked forward to a healthy baby boy.
The doctors and nurses, on my team,
were amazed at the strength and
endurace Ian and I showed and they
felt we would definately make it to at
least 32 weeks. Ian was growing and
was bigger than most at that gestation
age. He was such an active baby we
were so proud. At 29 weeks to the day,
I had my routine heartbeat and
contraction monitoring at the end of
the night shift, Ian was holding
steady. Within a couple hours, the
nurse came in for the day shift and
hooked me up again, no heartbeat? I
had four nurses come in over the
course of a couple hours all during I
was begging them to get an U/S
machine, I even asked one nurse, what
if he is in distress, don't you do
anything here? Finally they called
the resident who came in with the U/S,
and could not see a heartbeat! WHAT,
he was just alive and doing so well,
they called my OB/GYN, and specialist
who came over instantly and detrmined
death. How does this happen? "Well
he was just so active, he just took a
wrong turn." My answer "CORD
ACCIDENT" I was induced and labored
for 20 hours, he was born weighing in
at 2lbs 11oz and 16 inches long. He
was big and healthy enough to have
lived on his own had he survived. I
am still so angry at the lack of
motivation on the nurses part to do
anything to save my baby. The no
answers thing is the hardest part, why
did God take my boy, when there are so
many babies born addicted to drugs
that will face a life of pain and
abuse. My son had nothing but a life
of love and great opportunity ahead of
him. There must have been something
that Ian was put on this earth for.
Why take him at 8 months gestation,
what is the lesson for our family
here. The girls always wanted a
brother, they picked out his name. It
was my husbands first biological
child. There are times when I think I
have let everyone down.
If you have gotten this far and have
read my novelette, I want to thank you
for listening. I have posted my story
on a couple other websites and find
writing about Ian is sometimes
cathartic, and keeps his memory alive.
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