My pregnancy started out with tons of
problems. First, I had a major bleed at
13 weeks. I then continued to spot
brown blood after that because I was
diagnosed with early placenta previa
which the doctor said should correct
itself. By the time I went for an
ultrasound and the bleeding had
stopped, the placenta had moved as it
was supposed to, but my water had
broken. There was absolutely NO FLUID
around the baby. They didn't give me
an option of carrying longer due to
risk of infection and absolutely no
hope for the baby at that gestational
age. I had to have labor induced and
could feel my baby moving on the way to
the hospital.
I delivered an adorable little boy who
was perfect. He looked like my husband
and I can never forget that little
face. We got to hold him a while.
Later, after I got home the grief set
in and I was seriously depressed for
about six months. All I could think was
how I wanted to die. I feel better now,
but still have the pain but thankfully
I am functioning now. I am still sick
and furious of people's insensitive
comments like I had a "simple"
miscarriage (as if any loss is simple)
and it was meant to be as if I deserve
it with some line like, "The bad
always balances out the good." I have
to remind them that, "Hello, I held my
dead baby in my arms". Wake up, it
will change your perspective in life. I
am sorry I am rambling but I am sure
other people here still go through that
and I cannot quit getting angry.
I have been blessed with another
pregnancy and started out with mild
bleeding. My doctor classified me as
high risk due to problems and here I am
counting the days again. I am at 16
weeks. It is nerve wrenching. I am
temporarily out of work until 20 weeks
and people are so insensitive. They
just do not get it. I wouldn't wish
this on anyone but no one will
understand when they get to take the
health of their pregnancies for granted
and correctly assume that all will go
smoothly. I wish and pray that I could
have a normal pregnancy and do all my
usual activities, etc. and know that I
would get to hold my baby in September.
But I can't even hope until my
pregnancy is viable. I would be
terrified to even start planning for my
baby now. I am so sorry all of you have
gone through this. You are in my
thoughts.
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