When I was 18+1 weeks pregnant the
blood loss started. Of course I was
very shocked, but the doctors told me a
placenta praevia was the cause.
Probably in time the placenta would
move more upward and the bleeding might
stop. However, the bleeding became
worse and at some point (20+3 weeks) I
lost an off-white colored 'ball'
(looked a bit like chewing gum!) and I
called the doctor. He told me he didn't
know what it could have been, but I
should not be worried... (after the
delivery of my beautiful son Quint the
doctors showed me the placenta with the
membranes: I know for sure I lost a
piece of the membranes that particular
day!). When I was 21+5 weeks I lost
pink fluid that came out like water. I
also felt 'empty' and the baby was not
moving. I called the hospital and
explained what happened. The assistent-
to-the-doctor told me I shouldn't worry
and I didn't need to come over. I told
her I did not accept that reply. After
some arguing I told her to put me
through with the doctor. Again I told
the same story and again the same
reply. After some pushing he agreed to
see me, adding that probably nothing
was wrong... I went to the hospital and
the us showed no fluid around the baby!
The doctor checked with a microscope,
but since I also lost lots of blood, it
came out negative... Later that day I
started to bleed like I had never done
before. It just came pouring out! The
next day I called again and was allowed
to come in directly. This time I got a
level 2 us and this time there was no
escape possible: no fluid around the
baby. They checked if the baby was
healthy (kidneys) and he was all fine.
So they sent my home giving me 50%
chance to get to 26 weeks and a 50%
chance of undeveloped lungs.
Of course I was very, very sad.
Fortunately my husband, who is an
airline pilot, came home that day and
went straight to my parent's place
where I was staying at that time. I
really thought I would go into labor
that same night, so we hold each other
really tight and prayed everything
would work out fine.
A couple of days later (no labor yet!)
I decided to transfer to another
hospital (I wasn't too happy with the
service...) with a good reputation and
a great NICU. While meeting my new
doctor, we discussed the chances for
this baby. The doc told me we had about
10% chance of a healthy baby. We
discussed the fact whether it was fair
to the child to continue this
pregnancy. My dh and I very soon
decided we should not make a choice.
God would not allow it! There was still
a live, healthy baby inside of me, and
as long as he was willing to fight, we
should too!!! We made plans for the
coming week, but 2 days later I went
into labor after a massive blood loss.
I was admitted to the hospital and we
were given a private room. My dh stayed
with me all the time. During the night,
the pain got so bad, they gave me some
painkiller and in the end I went to
sleep (while I was still having
contractions!). The next morning the
contractions were gone and I was still
very high because of the painkiller. I
was very week (I lost blood
continously) and couldn't even go to
the bathroom by myself. My parents came
to visit and they seriously thought I
was going to die. I slept mostly that
day and the next morning I told my dh I
couldn't go on like this. I was very,
very weak and tired and I wouldn't mind
if the baby would have gone to sleep
inside of me... I needed to go to the
bathroom, but was scared to go with
just the help of my husband. So we
called a nurse and she helped me. I
wanted to wash myself a bit, but when I
looked between my legs, my son's hand
already came out!
It was very, very scary at that time.
Now it is not scary anymore, because it
was my beautiful son Quint! But at the
time, maybe you can imagine, it was
horror! I really wanted the doctors to
get him out of me. I wasn't having any
contractions and I had to push- out of
nowhere! That didn't work. The doctors
really wanted me to do it myself (and
looking back- I am so very grateful I
did do it myself; I had a real delivery
of a live son!!!) and give me some
medication through my IV that would
make me have some sort of contractions.
After an hour it began to work and
after a while our son was born!
IT WAS AMAZING!!! He was so beautiful,
so perfect in every way. He had little
nails and even the tiniest eyelashes.
He really looked a lot like my husbans!
We both instantly loved him and wanted
to hold him, and hug him and just be
there for him.
The doctors had already prepared us
that he would not live long. He just
wasn't able to breathe and keep himself
warm and digest food. He was just too
little! So we enjoyed him for an hour
and a half and he went to sleep
peacefully in our arms.
Of course we are very, very sad things
had to work out like this for our
Quint. But then we have also found
peace. We know his chances were just
too slim (especially considering I
probably PROMed earlier than 21+5 weeks
since I had already lost a piece of the
membranes!). He really proved himself a
fighter and we are very proud of him.
We feel privileged we have gotten to
know him. We are grateful he was with
us for an hour and a half. I would like
to end my story with the words I put on
the card we sent out to people:
Dearest son,
Because of a twist of nature,
You were born too early
And was too small to survive
You were allowed to go straight to
heaven
Dear Quint, go in peace
Go with God
You will always be our first little
child!
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