(PROM at 16-19 weeks)
Well, I'm going to see if I can recall
it all...
We weren't trying to conceive but when
we found out I was pg. we were
overjoyed! At the time my DH and I were
in missions over in Africa. We lived
aboard a ship that traveled the coast.
At aprx. 12 wks. I bagan to bleed. I
went for an U/S and the Dr. couldn't
find anything wrong. The baby looked
good. He did see a small amount of
blood at the lower end of my uterus but
said that it would drain out and then
be done with. It did stop in a wk. or
so.
Then at 15 wks. I again had bleeding,
this time it was a lot and bright red.
Another U/S...Doc. could find no reason
for bleeding. He assured me that some
women just bleed during pg. and for no
reason. I did however take it very easy
for several wks. The ship that we were
on had tons of stairs and so my Dr.
advice me not to use the stairs for a
while. Because the ship was so old
there were no elevators... so I lay in
bed a lot. There were times when I
suddenly feel a trickle and would run
to the bathroom terrified that I was
bleeding again. But it was always just
a watery discharge. I had been reading
pg. books that said that some women
leak urine but you should check it out
cause it could be fluid. I went to the
ship nurse and she said "does it smell
like urine?" I smelled it and thought
- "I don't know, I guess".
Also I started to feel a pressure in my
vagina. Like if I was sitting or laying
down for a while then got up, the blood
would just rush down and kinda pump for
a while. I also mention this to the
ship Dr. and she said that it was just
the weight from the growing baby. (Now
I believe that even then I was
completely out of fluid and the baby
was just sitting on the bottom of the
sack...) But this was my first pg. and
so I had no clue which things were
normal and which things weren't.
I just KNEW something was wrong though
because my stomach looked kinda funny,
like not very round...and it wasn't
growing too much. Also I only felt tiny
movements from the baby. I then went
for another U/S to be sure everything
was OK. This was at wk. 23. The Dr. was
concerned because I showed virtually no
fluid. He sent me to a specialist. They
took U/S of my cervix and didn't think
it was IC. After confirming that there
was barely any fluid I was advised to
rush home to America. It's weird cause
my entire pg. I just KNEW something was
wrong and never once did I buy any baby
clothes...I just couldn't get myself
to do it.
My DH tried to be positive and
encourage me. Once back in the USA I
went to yet another specialist. She was
wonderful... she did some tests and
ferning was discovered. Yes, I
definitely had PROM. But there were so
many unanswered questions... like when
did I rupture, why did I rupture, ect.
Because I was traveling around I
didn't have one main OB. The ship I
was on did have a Family DR. who could
hear the heart beat, do urine tests,
ect. I then tried to think back when
the rupture may have happened. And I do
remember one nite (I think in Nov. -
which would have been aprx. wk. 16-19)
when I woke up and the bed under me was
all wet. I thought, "man, what am I
doing wetting the bed?" I was a bit
uncomfortable with the whole thing but
for some reason brushed it of. (DUH!)
Well, my Peri then sent me straight to
the hosp. (at 26 wks.) I was put on
bedrest with bathroom and shower
priveledges only. My DH moved in with
me!! (I couldn't have made it without
him) Upon admission I had fluid level
2! (under 5 = critical, over 10 =
normal) Every 4 hours the nurses
checked me for infection. And every
morning I was put on the NS monitor.
Brianna always gave good strips. She
became very active. Dave would play
guitar to her and read the bible to her
often. I was drinking about 1 gallon of
water @ day. And wearing a path to the
bathroom!! At 28 wk. my fluid level
rose to 12!!! We were so happy.
Everyone we knew was praying that God
would save our baby.
Then my fluid dropped to 5...but still
Brianna continued to put out a healthy
monitor strip. We became so attached to
her during those 6 weeks in the hosp.
Dave would talk to her while she was on
the NS monitor and her heart rate would
jumped. He was a proud father! I went
up to wk. 30 without any contractions.
Then around wk. 31 I had small
contractions and 2x taken over to L&D
for monitoring. But with IV fluids the
contractions stopped. I tried not to
worry about my baby.
The dr. were giving us a bad prognosis
for her survival... because we had no
clue how long she was without fluid. I
knew that Brianna belonged to Jesus and
He could do what He wanted with her. We
begged for her to be ok. Then on March
2, 2000 @ about 9:30 I began to bleed.
I went to the bathroom and the blood
was just running out...like not
stopping! We called nurse and she came
in. I was put on the monitor and I
wasn't really having any contractions
but the babies' heart rate was raging
from 190-200+!! I was rushed to L&D for
more monitoring. The heart rate went up
to 210! Abviously she was stressed so
they prepped me for an imergency C-
section. My DH was beside himself with
excitement. (We were certain that
Brianna was going to be fine.) He could
hardly wait to hold our little baby.
I was a basket case... I was so nervous
that I was shaking uncontrollably. They
didn't put me completely under (thank
God) just numbed from the waist down.
Before I even knew what was happening
Dave was yelling, "what the heck is it?
"! (we didn't know the sex before) I
heard "a girl" and i couldn't
believe it. I was so much in a daze.
The medication and spinal block really
had me in a dopped feeling.
They rushed her to the table and had to
resesitate her... I was craning to see
her... I couldn't believe that the
little person on the table was a part
of our creation! They finally brought
her to me to see but it was so
frustrating because of all the tubes
around her face made it hard to see
her. Dave was all smiles!! Well, this
next part is pretty much of a blur
cause I was floating, floating.... from
the medication. I was taken over to
recovery and my DH stayed with me. He
wanted to wait and go see Brianna with
me. At this time we had no idea that
she wasn't doing well.
About 20 minutes later a nurse came
rushing into the room and grabbed
Dave... I was going crazy cause I knew
something was wrong. Then 15 minutes
later a nurse came in and they wheeled
me over to the NICU. I was in such a
daze that I didn't know what to do. I
knew that I should be crying. My baby
was dying... Looking back it is hard
for me...cause I was so drugged up.
They pushed my bed right up to hers.
Dave was there talking to her and
touching her. She was hooked up to the
respirator. Her heart rate was at 30
and when we would talk to her it would
go up to 130! Also we would say to her
"breathe Brianna, breathe." And she
would use all of her strength to
breathe on her own. Incredible, these
are the memories we will cherish for
ever. She knew who her parents were!
They had to do cpr 5 times. They put
her over into my arms...she was so
tiny. She weighed 3 1/2 lbs. I just
held her and stared at her.
Her hair was thick and curly, like her
dad's. Her chin had a dimple, also her
dad's. She felt so fragile. Then Dave
held her. As he was holding her the Dr.
said, "you know she is dying..."
I will never forget the cry of my
husband. Even now I get choked up. He
just wrapped his arms around his little
girl and wept and sobbed loudly. All
the nurses and Dr. were cying... I was
cying too but was still in such a
trance. Then Dave baptized her and gave
her to Jesus as she slipt from us. As
all of you know who have lost a baby,
our entire world came crashing down in
one nite. All our hopes and dreams that
we had for Brianna were shattered.
Never would I hang pictures she colored
on the fridge....never would I hear her
first word.
The nurses in the NICU were snapping
picture or we would have none. At a
time like this you don't think about
taking pictures, but Praise God for
them. Dave helped to bathe Brianna and
dress her in an outfit that I had
smocked for her. We held her for a
while. Just admiring her and tying to
squeeze as much time into the moment.
The nurses were awesome and said we
could be with her as long as we needed.
Looking back I wish I would have held
her even longer, and just examined
every feature. But my medication was
making me so foggy and I have such a
hard time recalling the moment like I
want to.
I stuggled for quite a while with this,
but Dave says Brianna wouldn't want me
to feel this way. We had a service in
celebration of her and in worship to
God for doing what He knew was best. We
had a table there with a lrg. picture
of Brianna and some of her things. We
really do miss her and our arms are
aching. To experience love for your
child is like nothing else. We have
peace with her death and know that
God's perfect will was done. Although
her life was short she touched so many
lives. Hundreds of people came together
to pray for her, even people who
nevered prayed. She was a precious
creation and will be in our hearts
forever.
I like to think of what she is doing in
heaven. Sometimes I have God tell her
things for me or just give her a hug
from here mommy. God is sovereign and
He has carried our pain for us. His
peace is perfect. Thank you for reading
my story and sharing in this special
time.
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